I understand how you feel. I feel the same way a lot of the time. It's hard when someone you've known for years transforms almost overnight. We learn that we must detach, to remove ourselves from their crazy orbit. In theory that's true, and when I can do it I feel more at peace. It's hard to keep up. When your MLCer lives with you (mine does), they have to engage you somehow to initiate all the gaslighting. It's so hard to turn off their voice.
I don't know if you have trouble turning away from the trainwreck aspect of it. I, too, get troubled when I see those moments of extreme confidence in them about marching towards their wonderful future.
To counter that, I regard my W's strange behaviors when they appear, it reminds me that she is in La La Land trying to pretend it's Earth (insomnia, memory lapses, avoiding responsibilities or making decisions, unfinished projects, disregard of time, ALWAYS using her smartphone for something). Seeing all this offsets the other moments of "confidence" that you spoke of. I think doing this may the opposite of detaching, but I have trouble turning off her rage / spew voice.
SkyHigh's advice in both posts is spot on. I'm glad I read the first one just for myself.
We are doing the hard work now. Hang in there. Keep going.
M: 49, W: 45 T: 22 M: 15 S14, S11, S9 BD: Jan '16 W files: Oct '16 D final: June '18
