Gordie: Pulling it all together 2

[Gordie]

W is initiating all sorts of discussions today. No R discussions but about safe topics, asking my opinions, etc. I'm being polite and friendly and thoughtful, and keeping expectations at zero. W can go back to icy cold at any moment.

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Job gave me a suggestion to read HaWho and ForeverYoung. Some thoughts from HaWho's situation--what an inspiration! I guess the moral of the MLC story is that these are all typical behaviors and I can't do anything about them and they shouldn't bother me, right? Just be steady, validate and keep my mouth shut?

1. It never dawned on me that my W was treating me like her father but the more I think about it, the more I see it. W is in rebellion against the role of women in society/marriage/religion and the oppression her mother experienced. The person she previously directed that anger was her father...but now it is directed towards me, even though I am the opposite of her father in every way--W says this is why she married me.

2. Sometimes my W identifies with our teenage girls. She borrows their clothes and wants to be with a man closer to their age. She was bantering with them about what celebrities they'd like to mess around with and which ones are more the marrying type. What does this do to the mother-daughter dynamic?

3. W is also obsessed with her looks and aging, diet and exercise, surgical and non surgical cosmetic procedures, not telling anyone her age (and getting annoyed with me if I reveal anything indicating her real age). She looks awesome for a woman in her 40s but she wants to be mistaken for someone in her 20s or 30s.

4. W also spends money like its limitless. W gets upset with any attempts to control her spending (I am being controlling or greedy).