I've never posted over in this forum, but I'm kinda thinking maybe this is where my thread(s) should really be.
For those who don't know, here's the basics. Married almost 15 years with 2 smallish children. My ex and I separated in early 2015 for a variety of reasons. Came to find out about AP later in the year. D finalized in late 2015. I started dating right around when the D was finalized. My ex married AP shortly after the divorce. I'm now with a new partner and have been together almost a year and a half and have lived together for about a year. Custody of the two kids is split 50/50.
On to the point of this posting.
I know that I still carry a lot of guilt about the way I acted in my marriage. I believe that we had many issues on both sides of the street. Some from each individual and some as us as a pair. I know in my heart that our marriage should not have ended in divorce. With enough education on methods for improving communication, understanding what we each needed out of our lives, and paying better attention to each other's LLs, we could have made an awesome team.
That said, I am NOT upset with where life has taken me. I'm incredibly grateful for the new friends I've made through GAL, for the things I've learned about relationships, and for the way my new R has progressed. I know that my overall happiness level is higher than at any point in my M.
And yet, I know that I still harbor guilt and remorse about how everything played out. I hate "being divorced", I hate the message my kids have received, and I especially hate all of the milestones I miss out on by only having 50% time. The path is what it is and I'm making the best of it as I can. I'm just not sure how to let go of the guilt and the what-ifs. I keep thinking that the demons of the divorce will lessen over time, but I still remember all of the lowlights with such clarity. Anyone have any good thoughts or ideas?
