Oh sorry forgot that links are a no no on this forum. I am taking care of myself though, eating far too much but that is expected in the beginning, have other children so have done this before. And looking back I did it on my own at that time so only difference is that I actually feel alone while H is in lala land.
So in reality things are much improved between H and I, we spend time together, he is still in tunnel. He was and probably is till looking for ow, but I know that that is not my problem, so I just let it go.
My only problem is that actually GAL is hard as I am physically tired a lot, motivation is down and insecurities are high. This I know is not H's fault, hormones I guess, I am not reacting but I have found myself withdrawing into myself a little and it just concerns me a bit. I am going to do some lite exercise today and just get through the day.
Haven't been here much, been quite busy with keeping above my pregnancy hormones and related moods. H is quite, does talk about his wishes and we are sort of have a two year plan in place, which includes us...when did that happen?
H may not realise it but, to me these are just words, in two years I will just be finished college, with a good job hopefully and well on my way to being self sufficient. If he comes through atleast 75% of this mess I maybe willing to step back into the we he speaks about, but I have to keep on my path.
How is your relationship with your wider family? Mother/Father/Brother/Sister how do they feel about the pregnancy? Are they excited? I am saying this because maybe a husband isn't there but is GrandMa, Uncle...? Knowing that they are there (I don't mean discuss your relationship) could be a lifeline sometimes (not always, sometimes)
Me: 43, W: 43 M: 16, T: 18 D - 7, D - 7 ILUB: 26 August 2014 Still living together
Hey Willdo, i do not mind answering any questions once asked. my relationship with my family of origin is strained cause of H's antics and my decision to stand for my marriage, my mother is excited but she is a narccassist and this is now her pregnancy, wants to be with me all the time.
She actually drains me more than mlc, and has been doing it all my life, so when I started my 180's limited contact was one of them. I thrive well without the belittling I have gotten all my life and I don't blame her she is also a product of her environment.
H is physically here, sometime mentally other times dead in the eyes, so I just keep my focus on me most times even when in his presence, though but necessary, he tries to pull me into his moods. No sir I have my own stuff to deal with.
I have a few lifelines though whom are not blood related, so I am good.
Hey Lostini, I'm so sorry you find yourself here. You might want to look up Cherry's thread as she went through a similar thing whilst being pregnant.
I am guessing that he took the news well about how the pregnancy but how strange that you think he is still looking for OW. How do you know this? You say you have been going through this since 2013 but you are still together and you seem to still live like W and H hence your pregnant now (sorry I hope you don't mind me mentioning that). However you are thinking ahead to how you can be self sufficient (without him) once you finish college. Has he actually indicated that he wants to separate as I'm concerned that it seems you have become so negative about your sitch that separating will become a self fulfilling prophecy.
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
So sorry you are here. However, I'm a little confused as to what the issues are in your m, specifically.
You think your h is looking for an OW, but there's isn't one now, and he seems excited about the pregnancy...? (I'm sorry if you already posted this elsewhere.)
Why do you want out of the m? Can you give examples or some history or why you feel your h is looking for an OW?
And how long have you been married, what age are your kids, etc.?
Just for some background.
Originally Posted By: Lostinl
Hey Willdo, i do not mind answering any questions once asked. my relationship with my family of origin is strained cause of H's antics and my decision to stand for my marriage, What does "stand for" your marriage, mean to you? You mentioned that you are not implementing much of DB, other than reading the 37 guidelines.
Do you ever feel as if you are waiting for things to improve without actually doing anything different?
Can you explain why you want a sep or D now? my mother is excited but she is a narccassist and this is now her pregnancy, wants to be with me all the time.
She actually drains me more than mlc, and has been doing it all my life, so when I started my 180's limited contact was one of them. What are the 180's you have done with your h?
I thrive well without the belittling I have gotten all my life and I don't blame her she is also a product of her environment. H is physically here, sometime mentally other times dead in the eyes,
Is he depressed? If so, will he go see someone? Can you explain what you mean that he's "physically there", and "dead in the eyes"?
What would you like him to do, differently? Can you give examples? Have you told him?
And I'm just curious if you have spoken about your feelings to him or to a T. It think it would help.
so I just keep my focus on me most times even when in his presence, though but necessary, he tries to pull me into his moods. No sir I have my own stuff to deal with.
I have a few lifelines though whom are not blood related, so I am good.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Coly23, sorry I only really have time to reply on weekends. I will look upCherry's thread thank you.
Yes he took the news well, but when I asked him how he felt about it he said it would be good for our girls, no mention of his feelings directly, I did not push. My H is in MLC hence the problems in my marriage currently which also brought up my own too issues of abandonment and in hindsight I can see that our marriage though good was codependent on my part.
GAL is helping with that for me. As for OW June 2016, when in high replay their was one and I completely let him get on with it. It didn't last long July and he came back looking to reconcile. I jumped back too soon and then found he was contacting other women on social media, this is November and he is clinging on to edge of bed again, I ask what is wrong he does not blame me but asks for space. I did not confront as the woman where wise enough to stay clear and I stopped snooping cause I was going back into codependent behaviours.
H has been good and seems to connect at times but is still a stone wall 60%. This has me thinking about do I want this in my future. Hence my plan b of getting on with my life as I do not trust him and can not speak to him about it when he is being good. I guess he did cheat on me 7 years ago and we reconciled ,also short lived but I did not heal then. With this more recent actions I have healed 80% , I do love him and I did not cause the affairs at all, I realise it after this point, so I healed more completely.
With the pregnancy the abandonment has flared up again and insecurities, but H is talking future with us and building a stronger financial one, I guess I want a stronger internal one first and he has not verbally said his need for space is no longer there. So I treat him like a loved one but seek closeness.
25yearsmlc thank you for coming on board. I will try answer as best I can.
Standing for my marriage is making sure that I am strong enough to support my H while he is going through the process on MLC. That my marriage will be a solid friendship in which we can grow together even when one has to lean on the other.
I am not sure about OW looking at the moment, his actions don't point that way but with pregnancy these concerns up to surface with me, insecure. I guess I am not implementing a lot of positive mental attitude at those points.
I don't want out of marriage per say I want a different one ,the one we had but that will take time. Examples from past affair 7 years ago and another last year June and I saw contact on social media in November. All finished but I don't look anymore, if I feel uneasy I ask but he is a stonewall at times.
Married over 12 years, 2 kids. Under 11. He seems depressed but will not talk to anyone, all I can do is be here for him. I would like him to simply hug me without prompting it. I try give him space as he is quite introvert and that I never did before but to me thge space is hardening my heart to our love. I am speaking to T about opening up again but after the recent replay I am scared.
