Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #3

[Woke_Up]

and that includes "ILY, I'm going to end things with OM", etc. You look at her actions! She is not acting like a woman who is planning to end her A. She is getting more space and private time away from her H......not closer.

You're right. I know, I know. I'm working on it. The arguments have been a feature of our R all the way through, even in the early days. It's really difficult for me to change that dynamic, there's a lot of unlearning. And yes, you are hitting the nail on the head with regards to her words about OM and her actions - like yesterday evening she said again she wasn't going to leave me, and that she would end it and would need my help, to take her phones away or something like that... and within an hour, while I had gone out to buy dinner for the family, she had been on skype to OM telling him she loved him.

She is still calling the shots in your house. As long as she is in supreme reign, the dynamics will cotinue to get worse. At the moment, you need to stop trying to change things by talking to her. Stop going from one extreme to the other. You go from ice to hot words, and she can play the game better than you. She as already told you twice how things would be if it were you having an A.

That's the thing isn't it - a W can pretty much get the upper hand if the H doesn't want to break up the family. I would have to move out, and that goes against DBing - much as I think the space would help and she would start to find things quite a bit more difficult on her own.

Just like your WW knows what she would do, too. I think those basic personality differences (for lack of a better word) have a lot to do with what separates the LBH and WW....and the dynamics in their MR. Yes, she knows she is treating you like cr@p, and she knows she would never stand for you to treat her the way she is treating you! Every single wayward woman has that mentality,b/c it comes from her own arrogance and disrespect.

Yes, while I agree, the issue of breaking up the family is what is different. She would keep the kids if it was the other way round. I would have to leave, she would get to stay in the house, and I would still have to pay the mortgage, as it is in joint names, and comes out of my bank account. Yes, I could give her the bills, but she would probably manage on the child maintenance I would pay given my current employment, up to the point where I took a lower paid job closer to home to enable me to see my children more.

Plus, she still has my b@lls, as you have quite rightly pointed out. Detaching is proving so difficult for me.

Thanks for your response again, Sandi, it is much appreciated, as always.