Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 8

[PsySara]

Can you trust a cheater again? Yes but never with the naivety you previously experienced. I was so shocked at the lies, the omissions, the absolute 180 (in a bad way) of my WH's personality that I was considering a head CT to check for a tumor. Part of the blind faith was a little bit of arrogance on my part, I felt there was NO WAY someone would cheat on me, no matter my faults or unwillingness to bend. Come to find out I was not adultery-proof.

The feelings I have for my WH are changing daily. I no longer love him just because he is my husband. I am choosing to see his weaknesses and strengths, his flaws, his vulnerability and I CHOOSE to love him. Now, with that said, love does not equal being a doormat. I have placed some HARD boundaries (NC with the OW, boundaries with women, no verbal abuse) and let the small things go.

A few times this week WH has been short with me so I simply do extinction therapy (removing the stimulus, me, and WH realizing he will be alone when he is inconsiderate. He has started to be more considerate, when he slips up he apologizes and asks me to forgive him. WH has always been somewhat socially awkward so I am not expecting him to be perfect. As long as he is willing to work on the things that hurt me then I will be patient.

We closed on a house a week ago and I spent the morning calling contractors and other folks. I want to have a LOT of upgrades and amenities added to the house before we move in at the end of the month. In the meantime WH and I enjoy our dinners together, he plays with the kids while I clean up the place and we are ML about 3-4 times a week. HE has every other weekend off so we usually plan some trips or activities for the kids. He asked if he could take me down to the Keys soon to spend some one-on-one time. I am alllll for that. I also am filling my time with friends, bar b ques, movie nights, kid play dates, etc., When WH pulls back I don't fret and wring my hands, I just call up a friend (or hang out with one) and I am joyous. WH's distances are becoming less and less, I am patient.