Your situation reminds me a bit of mine. (Pre MLC, that is. Certainly not similar now as your wife is not crazy and my h is off the charts weird. Just a minor difference. Ha ha.)

However, what I find impressive, is your ability to get in touch with what you wanted and to work toward your goals.

Personally, I think you should try some 180's to shake it up a bit. I know you have young kids, but do you have a night or two you take for yourself to explore something of interest? If not, this would be healthy for you. I think with a live-in, it's vital to get away. Do you take a few hours on a Saturday or Sunday to explore things by yourself?

And over time, your w just may start to notice your level of engagement elsewhere has increased.

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced