(2) I am giving her the most important things she asked for (don't want to go into details) which is way, way more than is suggested by the law.
Here's what I didn't say: I think she thinks I am being greedy because she is now starting to realize that when you split one person's salary in two--there is less for both H and W! I have tried to tell her this before, but she hasn't acknowledged it. Now that the reality of it is sinking in, it's because I am being greedy.
As I read the first part jumped out at me. Looking back at my sitch and others I do feel this is a common mistake us guys make. Somehow we think ok if the state/lawyer says this D will cost me X, I will give her 2or3X to prove to her and myself what a wonderful guy I am ..... this is not going to save your M nor win her back.
I was relieved to read a bit of the second portion because that is what needs to happen. She has to hit bottom and experience life without you, she has to have the fantasy she has been building brick by brick over the past months/years to start showing its true fault lines and cracks. Letting her know if the state says I owe you X is exactly what I will pay is a good start to get them to start thinking about it if nothing more than to educate them on the process.
My stance "This is not what I want, I respect your decision and will not stand in your way, however I will not fund your affair, your divorce, nor your life after it more than the state demands me to as any dollar I donate to your cause is a dollar less our son would have available to him." For me it really is that simple.
