I'm not presuming what state she is in. She's told me. The reason I used "we" is to let her know that I nneedto work on things as well and that it's not all herr and I don't feel I was trying to control her decision process, but more trying to highlight that big decisions like this shouldn't be made when the persons headspace isn't right.
Im sorry if Im coming across as pedantic. Im not trying to pick on you for this one example. My point is kind of general.
To me, saying "we should work on ourselves before making this decision" IS controlling. As I said originally, I think it's a much better phrasing to say "I realized that I was in no state of mind right now to make any big life decisions. I need some time to consider what I want before taking any actions."
By saying 'we', it assumes her state. Sure, she may have told you something, but to me, it involves some level of interpretation and analysis on your part and theres a chance you get it wrong. And theres a chance that she has changed her opinions since you last talked. To me, pulling her into your decision space is not going to work out well for you. The example phrasing I gave above leaves no room for argument or discussion; it is what you have decided about you. Your phrasing involving her leaves many avenues for her to dissent.
See the part I bolded above -- that's your opinion. I imagine she has already thought about this decision for far longer than you even realize. So now youre expecting her to go off and take more time? was her original thought time insufficient? What are you expecting of her in order to get into the 'right' headspace?
