Gordie: Pulling it all together 2

[Gordie]

***Don't take this wrong but I smiled reading about how open your W has been with you. I smiled because it is unbelievable not because it is funny. It is probably of little consolation now, but your W is open and honest with you about her feelings and thoughts.That is positive although probably feels insensitive.***

Do you mean how she talks to me about POM and her dreams/plans for the future? Yes, she is open to me about these things. I just try to listen, even when it stabs me in the heart. She also that she's not sure that she's doing the right thing, but that she just has to do it...

***I get the feeling you are plan B. Which is better than not being considered but is not where you want to be. Don't be the safe fall back plan.She may not care now, but plant that seed of doubt in her that you are waiting for her.***

Okay, how do I do that with honesty? She of course doesn't come out and ask me direct questions about my post-separation dating intentions...instead she just makes declarations: you will be married within three years, before I will. This causes me to refute her and tell her I have no interests in dating other women (I know, I shouldn't do this), thus keeping me firmly in her backup plan. What should I say instead? Or just say nothing or say "it's interesting that you feel that way..." More important than my words...what should I DO, short of dating other women?

***As for the storm, your resolve to stand and level of hurt will be tested to the limits if she pursues her path. Expect it is coming and detach beforehand. I am glad you are prepared legally and have a support network.***

I have no doubt she will pursue her path with 100% of her being.

***My next point may be hard to grasp but you need to get to the point where you look on S as a good thing. I'm not asking you to want it but to embrace it. It is an opportunity to do whatever you want without the constraints of being married. I'm pro M but not being M does have other opportunities and benefits. Seek those out. Make the most of your new liberty. You can do whatever you want whenever you want. I am not taking about female company but life in general. Films your W would not like. Sports that you didn't have the time for, new hobbies/activities. Carpe dium. Seize the day.***

Yes, change to a PMA about separation and/or divorce...need to get my head around that!

***I think those thoughts and feelings are normal but they are not helping you. Focus on something else. There is no magic one thing that you can do to flip this situation. Trying to do so will only push her further away. Let her go. It is only when she feels you are not clinging to her that she may stop fleeing. So letting go will help you get off the roller coaster but also give her the freedom to come back. She cannot come back if you don't let her go.***

I'm going to keep repeating that..."she cannot come back if you don't let her go, she cannot come back if you don't let her go"...