Gordie: Pulling it all together 2

[Woke_Up]

God, help me. I'm really, really desperate (hopefully, I'm not showing it).

Gordie... hang in there, you're a strong man, a good man, and you will come out of the other side of this moment. You've a long journey ahead, and this is one of the twists and turns on that road. It is not the final destination.

I struggle with it, but the key must be staying pleasant without pursuing. I like Rose's advice.

Also, if you meditate, do it when the weight is crushing you like it seems to be now. Get some mindfulness. Get into yourself. Find your inner Gordie, and breathe. Not sure if you are like me, but when the weight of uncertainty is crushing, I really feel like I can't physically breathe. Mindfulness meditation (I use Calm & Headspace apps to help me, like Surfer suggested) really help me to breathe again, just by focusing on the breath and the way it moves within my body.

It could be that your W has realised she was getting closer to you again, and is forcing herself away, swinging one way then the other like a pendulum.

I know your sitch is different to mine, as I believe mine is more keeping me 'under control' and 'temp checking' by her actions, but she went distant and cold after my last blow up about her sexting OM. She moved out of MBR and slept on the mattress until the bed frame arrived, she started talking about selling the house, etc... The WW can be very very good at manipulating emotions, even unconsciously.

Sandi has pointed out, I am like a puppet on a string dancing to her tune. You need to do better than me. Don't let her feelings or displays of affection/coldness alter your perception of the sitch. You need to be taking a longer term view than the day by day, week by week. remember, it's not done until you say it's done.

I'll be thinking of you, be well, my friend.