Gordie: Pulling it all together 2

[Gordie]

***OK the reason I asked about your stance and mentioned OM is because unless you are clear on what lies ahead and how you plan to manage that, you will be dragged around that roller coaster ride like a rag doll in a hurricane.***

Roist, I'm not clear on what lies ahead. In the short-term, W could (i) get rejected by POM if POM wants to stay with his GF (W is afraid of this) or (ii) make POM her new BF if POM dumps his GF (she doesn't want a three way with the GF...but thought I would be okay with a three way with the POM, sigh). If (ii), W has said it can't get too serious any time soon because cohabitation or M would cause an end to her alimony.

***Get out of the storm that is brewing.***

What do you mean? What are you suggesting?

***She wants out, so she is out. She wants OM, so you are out. There is no R now. As long as OM is in the picture you need to not be in that R. Simple to say. Difficult to implement. This does not mean becoming cold or mean. You are just not interested in any R with her.***

Yes, I'm working on Rose's friendly neighbor and Hawho's houseguest path. This is a switch for me, just this week...will post more on that later.

***Switch your focus to working on you, preparing for S and to restart living for YOU.***

I have a L for the separation. I have an IC and DB coach for me. I also have a few good buddies IRL who have been extraordinarily supportive--have even offered to stay with them or help me move when the times comes. I have identified an apartment. I know how I want it set up.

I know this sounds like a dumb, pathetic, sorry-a$$ question...but how do I change my mindset of living for ME? I've been with my W for 20 years...and even in these circumstances, my life still revolves around her and I'm having a hard time changing that. Given all of the hurt and pain and sadness and rejection, this should be easy, but I think about her and her needs and what I can be doing for her ALL THE TIME. I'm sure that sounds totally and utterly pathetic but I'm trying to be honest here. I need a 2x4!