I'm thinking of going home today after work and telling W that as soon as I get home from work in the future, she has to go and have at least an hour to herself, regardless of what's going on with the kids. I want to tell her that I don't want to leave and that I don't expect her spend time or effort on working on our marriage as she has other things to work on that are more important and that I'm not going to give up on us No matter how long it takes or how hard it is, I'm going to help her with her healing process.
Id say for now, just be patient. I think its OK to say that you have reconsidered moving out (which I think is an incredibly terrible idea), but otherwise, please please do not go into fix-it mode. This is going to be an incredibly long journey and it isnt going to be 'solved' by one thing in one day. So for now, read, educate yourself and keep posting so that you can absorb knowledge before you start making this snap decisions.
For example, above. This sounds unsustainable and controlling. Youre going to "make her" leave for an hour? Thats ridiculous. Instead, use your actions to allow her to have some quiet time - "Ill do bath and bedtime tonight. You can take the night off if youd like." Or "Im going to get the kids to bed and then Im planning to head out to XYZ". This gives her alone time without you having to 'prescribe' it for her.
When I got home, I said "why don't you go and have a shower and have some time to yourself. I know youve had a rough day" she told me earlier that she was struggling with the kids. she responded by saying "how did u know" and "thanks" she also wanted to me get her if I needed her help, and I told her that I'd be ok and I'll handle it.
