She is still playing games. Even the bit about her panicing b/c you left without saying good-bye.
Quote:
"I know I have really f*cked you over, and hurt you." While it wasn't an apology, or real full blown remorse, it felt like a little remorse.
You were wanting her to feel remorse. She made a statement. How did you respond?
Quote:
While I know the battle is far from over, I did have the thought that maybe the fog is starting to thin in at least one spot. At least she (maybe) recognizes what she is doing is wrong...I am going to try real hard not to backslide, and keep working the program.
She has always known it was wrong! That is why she lies about it.
Quote:
She will not be let off the hook until full transparency is achieved, no contact can be verified, and we go to counselin
g.
Yeah? B/c that is what she is trying to do........Get off the hook in her own way....Not yours. So, what do you plan to do in the meantime?
Has there been a transparency plan agreed upon (I forget). Even discussed? Has she asked what it would take to fix things? I feel you are jumping ahead of yourself, and nothing has changed in her. The first thing is for her to agree to stop the affair and to no contact with OM ever again. Until then, nothing is going to work b/c she will continue playing games.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Last night I went out, as I was leaving she said I looked "cute", I didn't respond.
Just catching up. Be careful you dont go too far the other way. To me, this seems rude. If anyone else said this to you, I assume you would at least offer a 'thanks'. Not responding to a verbal compliment just comes off as rude to me.
Your right Sandi2...I thought long and hard about how I responded to her when she made her admission, and I don't really remember. I was at work, and I think that I was just in shock, so I really don't remember.
I plan to keep following your rules to the best I can. I told her that I wanted full transparency, and spelled it out: passwords to phone, computer, facebook, and any other social media...block his number, "un-friend him on facebook", no more calls taken outside because that is secrecy, not privacy, being home at the time she tells me she will be home; and then joint counseling. (I have told her all this before.)
No she has not agreed to do any of it yet. She has not asked what it would take to fix us.
I may be jumping ahead...today I am re-reading the rules, and boundaries thread. I will not give in, and continue to work the system.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
It was necessary to respond when she said how she had treated you. If that's all she said, it's not enough. It's not an apology, and I seriously doubt remorse, yet. Even if she had a twinge of remorse, it isn't worth a dime if she continues contacting OM. Her words are worthless until her behavior begins matching what she says.
BTW, whenever we point something out, you don't have to approach her with another apology. We are just trying to help you learn as you tell us the daily development.
Have you read any threads about the WW mindset?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well really nothing to update on today...She is at work, I have been at home. I went out ran some errands for myself. My sister came over with my nephew, so he could play with the dogs.
I am getting ready to hit the gym.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
Well made it through the weekend. We went out Saturday, and had a pretty good time. While we were at a friend's house, I noticed that she was changing her phone password. After we dropped off, a different friend. Calmly I asked why she was changing it, she claimed she didn't that she was taking away her thumb print.
When we got home I asked to see her phone, and she called me over and we went through her phone. No contact with the om, or more likely she is deleting them as we communicate.
The next morning she said she was doing that because she didn't trust me because of what I did (going through her phone). I told her that I didn't trust her because of what she is doing. She asked were we going to go through her phone everyday. I told her that she should want to earn my trust, she should offer that...she didn't respond.
So then Sunday, she made a shirt to support the Falcons in the superbowl. She got angry because the iron on was a little crooked, and she threw a temper tantrum. I told her (calmly) that she was the one that did it, and that she didn't get to take it out on me. She didn't really apologize, and just blamed it on her being OCD (not diagnosed by the way).
So then she went to a client's bday party, to stop by. She took one of her friends (this was the friend that told her mom what ww was doing, and they judged her and that made her upset).
On the way home she posted to Facebook about surprising their client. She tagged the om in the post. I didn't even notice. She called me freaking out, saying she didn't mean to, and that she had been on her phone in the car.
When she got home, I saw her deleting a text, so I can only assume that he texted her to tell her. I didn't get angry, and simply stated that is why you cannot be friends with him on Facebook, because of these little hick ups.
Luckily, some of my buddies arrived for the superbowl party, and I didn't have much contact with her after that. I went to bed right after the game. She fell asleep in the basement because one of her friends wanted to stay up and listen to music.
She came up this morning, and I ran into her as I was going outside to run. She tried to explain why she didn't come to bed. I told her that it didn't matter, and I had to go run so I could get to work on time.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
To explain a little more, when I told her about the hick ups, she was like, it was a one time thing. She "claims" that there have not been any other hick ups.
I figure there are, but I am not going to fight with her. I have told her what I need to heal, so it will be up to her.
I also forgot to say that I have signed up to do a 5k in march, so starting two days ago, I have been running outside. This is much better than working out inside.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
