We did attend grief counseling, but she found it depressing and didn't want to go back after a couple of sessions. We tried a couple of them, but the same thing happened.
She doesn't work in your typical type of job. When we lost our son, we wanted to raise money for the hospital that took care of him, so we started selling flowers at the cemetery where he's been laid to rest. Thats now turned into a cafe / florist. we been able to donate about $18,000 so far. for a long time, she didn't want to go to the cafe as it was too hard for her to go to the cemetery. It's only been recently (last 3 months or so), that she's been ok with going, so she now works there on Sundays. we're using that time as a bit of a break for her from the kids and everyday life, plus she loves working with flowers.
She has alot of friends, but none that really offer her support in that way. Most of her family lives interstate and she doesn't feel comfortable with my family to receive support from them.
The times of affection between us have been when we've been alone and the kids are asleep in bed. when they're awake, we try to act normal so they don't pick up on our sadness. Our LO with downs is very sensitive and picks up on things easily, so we're making a concentrated effort to not let them see our sadness.
The reason I want to stay in the house is because I don't want to abandon her or the kids. I know she needs my help in different ways and I want to help and look after her. While leaving the marriage might relieve some of stress of having to think about if / how we could make it work, I'm not going to add the stress of her having to look after the kids alone. She is in a vulnerable state and has been for a long time. I feel she does want me there as it's difficult with the 2 little ones, especially with their night routine. I know she also feels safe when I'm home. She's told me a few times before that she feels anxious if I'm not home at night which is very rare.
The verbal abuse started a little while ago, and looking back now, and reading some of these posts, I can understand why. She was never like that and for her to admit it, was a very big thing for her and for me. Whenever we've argued before, the blame was always on me and when I had a valid point for being upset, she would find a way to shift the blame to me. Like i said, she never used to be like this, but considering everything, I can understand why she is.
She doesn't lash out at the kids, but I've gotten home a couple of times and there have been holes in the walls as she's punched the walls or she's thrown or damaged furniture. When this has happened, I tell her to go to our bedroom and to have a shower and have some time for herself to read a book or watch one of her favorite tv episodes and I'll take over looking after both of the kids. She'll come back down maybe 2 hours later feeling much better and apologizing. I always re-assure her that there's no need to apologise cause I know it's hard.
