Hi doodler, We have tried seeing a marriage counselor, but we only saw her about 3 timess, but didn't feel that it helped much. There are alot of built up frustrations for both of us because of everything we've been through. The sessions didn't seem to be helping.
Rose, I understand why it might look that way, but I made the decision as she was telling me that she didn't have the strength to work on our marriage. When we spoke last, I told her that I would always be there for her and the kids and I still want to look after them. We're even considering still living in the same house so I can keep helping. The weight I'm trying to take off her shoulders is about having to put in extra effort into our marriage so she can focus on herself and I can still be there to support her and the kids financially and emotionally. If we agree, I'll still be going home to help out each night, plus with the kids waking up in the night. I do this now andd don't want to change that. I want to be involved in raising them.
Why does she feel like she has to put effort into your marriage right now?
You are both dealing with grief and loss, but she is also dealing with post-parturition depression and (if she's like most moms of young children) chronic sleep deprivation.
The ideal husband response to your wife is, "Don't even worry about the marriage for the next six months. Let's focus on you. I'm committed to you and the kids. I know you don't have any more to give."
And then you book her--just her--a night in a nice hotel with room service and tell her to take 24 hours for herself while you care for the kids. And think about what you can do to ease her burden. Hiring a cleaning service? A mother's helper?
It might be expensive, but so is divorce. I wouldn't go into debt for this, but I would stop paying toward retirement if that was the only way I could spring it.
And get individual counseling for both of you.
You've been dealt a rough hand, and you both need some support.
I hate to see a marriage end because of stress.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
