I hate it. I absolutely hate that people are so addicted to their phones they can't sit through a concert, have a face to face conversation, or go to the bathroom without looking at their phone. It's ridiculous! Anyway.........
She is lying to you, and you know it. Don't play those games with her, b/c you stand a greater chance of looking weak and foolish. And ESPECIALLY don't get into it when she's around her enabling friend that's helping to break you apart.
If she told you she is not contacting OM and is pretending to have ending things with him, then wait for an opportunity to check her phone for yourself. You cannot just take her word b/c cheaters lie! Don't ask anything, don't say anything, just get the intel you need. Once you have it, decide how you want to handle it (and never, ever tell her how you got your intel). You may want to monitor her for a period of time, but I discourage any daily type of monitoring (without her knowledge) b/c it becomes more of a "spying" nature, and can become addictive & unhealthy for the LBH. The point is to know the truth and where you stand. If she's pretending to be transparent, but covering her tracks.....you'll know soon. Simply confronting her with what you know, will not change things. That is what you have to get through your head. Confrontation, alone, will do nothing. Just like you asking her who she was texting did nothing but give you more of her lies. It's just more words to her, that's all. Action is needed on your end. That's why boundaries are important, especially in a MR where there has been cheating behavior. I encourage you to read the link on setting boundaries.
She's either transparent or she's not. What you saw at the concert was not transparency. It was a coverup and she was gaslighting you. You may have felt better after the argument, but were your words, alone, effective. Usually, words are not enough to convince a WW to change.
Don't give up. It's tough, but you will be alright. Keep posting and reading, and you will have support from your DB community.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
