Im after some advise from the community on my situation.
My wife and I have been together for about 7 years and today I told her I wanted to leave the relationship. Now I know that might sound weird as I'm coming here for advice, but the truth is that I don't want to leave.
We've had a pretty rough run of things over the last few years.
About 4 years ago, my wife and I lost our son soon after he was born. He was 11 days old when he passed away. He suffered severe brain damage due to lack of oxygen during the labour. We decided we wanted to have another baby, and we did, but we found out a few days after he was born that he had down syndrome. We've been lucky as he's healthy and there aren't any complications, but it has added another level of stress on our relationship. He'll be 3 in april. We've had another child who will be 1 in March and she doesn't have down syndrome.
As you can appreciate, our relationship has had alot of stresses over the years and I think we've struggled to deal with them and haven't focussed any attention on our relationship. Things have been getting worse between us and 2 days ago, my wife said she needed some time to figure out if she had the energy to work on our marriage, but she was leaning towards ending it as she couldn't see how we could make it work. This didn't come as a suprise as I know we've had issues.
When talking to her today, she said she doesn't know how or if we can fix things or if she has what it takes to try to because she doesn't have the energy. We've tried before, but in bursts and not consistently.
I do love her and I want to take some of the weight off her shoulders, so I said I was going to leave. I told her my reasons, in that I'm doing this because I love her. She asked me if I wanted to sit with it for a little, but I said no. This was really hard for me as I don't want it to end, but I want her to be happy and she hasn't been for a long time. Neither of us have been.
I left work early today to talk to her about the seperation. We both cried alot and held each other alot. It's actually the most love we've shared with each other for a long time. She said she loves me and is disappointed it's ended like this. She said it's not fair cause we're both good people. Even tonight, we've laid together on the couch and hugged and kissed alot and cried. She even kissed me goodnight and sat on my lap while we hugged.
I'm very confused cause she accepted my decision and has already told her family, but she has been more affectionate with me than ever before (well, since we started having issues). It's been the most affection we've shared in years. She wants to take the kids interstate where her family is for a month or so to get their support which I've agreed to. Part of me is hoping that the time away will make her want to try properly.
There has been no cheating involved or anything sinister, although she did say that she's realised she been verbally abusive towards me lately and she hates that's she's been like that. She said I don't deserve it.
She's also still suffering from post traumatic stress from loosing our son, something she didn't share with me until recently. I feel like a bad husband cause I should of known this and helped her. She is a very sensitive person and normally very loving which I think is making it harder for her to deal with loosing our son. Dealing ( or getting over as some people say it) with loosing our son is probably the wrong way to say it as I know I'll never get over that loss, but maybe struggling at dealing with it better.
Have I made a mistake by saying I'm leaving? She's been really upset and alot more loving towards me, but has also accepted my decision. I just really want to make sure that she is happy (and she's currently not by any stretch of the imagination) and to look after her, which is why I said I am leaving. That saying of "if you truely love someone you'll set them free and if they come back it was meant to be" is my reason for leaving. I told her this when I said I was leaving.
She said I had balls for doing that (excuse the language), but I do hope she comes back and gives us a chance at really making it work. She is a beautiful soul who's been through alot in her life including having an abusive father and seeing her mother and grandmother being abused by their husbands. I walked into our room last night and she became immediately scared as she thought I was going to hurt her. Not because of me personally as I've never abused her, but because of what her father and grandfather did to their wives during their marriage and after their divorce. The first week of our honeymoon was stressful for her as her mother told her that the first time she was physically abused by her husband was on their honeymoon. My wife was worried that I would turn into that person.
We do love each alot and shes told me that a few times today, but maybe sometimes love isn't enough :-(
