Well here I am looking forwards

[Sotto]

I looked into legal separation and actually it would have been my preference. Of course get your own advice, but my L told me it would be highly unusual for a separation agreement to be amended at a later stage if all financials had been agreed with due legal advice at the time.

She told me that something substantial would need to have changed for this to happen. Like redundancy? I asked - no, like serious accident, life limiting illness or similar.

So, if you merely wish to S and not D at this point, suggest you work towards that with due advice of course.

Best of luck - and glad you are continuing with the IC. I found Meetups rather daunting too. But there are other activities out there where social interaction is more incidental to the activity - like dancing, walking groups, language courses - or whatever...

Xx

[ATPeace]

Hi sotto

Thank you for the advice on legal separation

My wife says she does want to divorce her view is once we are in seperate houses or even as part of this process she will want to divorce me.

I have struggled seeing her starting the process of boxing up her items it is tough

When I have tried having a conversation with her I know I should not but it is so very hard when in house with her and all I want to do is make and keep a connection she has thrown so much at me abut what I have done to her she paints me as a monster....today was the final straw

I cannot go on trying I wanted to find a way to put things right but I can see this is never going to happen so I am making the decision to let today be the day that I let go of her I love my W but I really do not have anything left to give.

She is not the person that I married she has changed she is bitter she has a cold heart full of resentment does not love me does not want to be with me

Today I choose to let her go to free myself of her drama
Today I chose to step back and give her what she wants to be free of me to let her go and love myself for having the strength.

I deserve to be happy I have not been happy for such a long time my fighting this separation has taken its toll

The next few months are going to be extremely tough I will no doubt ask for support I love my friends here thank you

[Rouky]

At peace,

I'm in the UK and I have filed for legal separation because we sold our marital home and I wanted our kids to be financially secure.

Here is what my solicitor told me:

Legal separation isn't like divorce and it can be challenge at a later date by either party but the judge, in case of divorce, will question why one of you suddenly decides to challenge a separation agreement and the financial settlement. My solicitor said that if me or ex were tonchallenge it the judge would be very suspicious and quite rightly so.

My legal separation (finances, child maintenance, child access, inheritance, properties and pension) is as tight as possible (even ex solicitor requested that it's final and can't be challenged in court, I guess my ex forgot to tell him that he cheated on me!). I have filed and solicitor told me that it should only take 4 to 6 months because of the legal separation agreement. It has been in place for nearly two years now and it works fine.

The only down side is that it cost as much as a divorce. My solicitor told me to make it very tight with my pension. I have a very good one and ex has none meaning that even if we are divorced he could still claim 40% of it when I retired. I know this isn't what you want to hear but look after yourself financially, put aside any feelings as whatever you decide could mean a descent life or a not so descent one.

[ATPeace]

At the moment it looks like my W is going to be totally fair perhaps more than fair as strange as this is I still love her and love my children all she is sking for is half the value of the house my two young children for now will live with her I will see them regularly my two older children will life with me and will either come with me to see mum and siblings or mum has the choice to bring the younger ones to see me

I need to put some space between my W and I if I was living on her doorstep then I know I would find it incredibly difficult to move on I would be forever passing her house or trying to make excuses to see her and the children so as hard as this is I am making a decision to move about 180 miles away. I will be close to my sister and my elderly mother this will bring me some comfort and some support

I pray that I can keep a good relationship with my younger children I hate my wife for making her decision but she has some very deep feelings that throughout our marriage I had set out to abuse her and cause her upset these are sadly her feelings and I cannot change them. She has used words to me such a coerced her she said I groomed her this is utter rubbish I loved her,we met when she was very young I was her escape vessel from abuse at home we fell in love I was older than her but had not had any other partners no girlfriends at all so was inexperienced and loved her for being the first girl to love me

We were together for over 25 years so I did not set out to have my way with a then child as she is now pointing out we had a life time together

Time to be happy in my own skin time to think of me and my children I will love my W she may do further things to break my heart some more but I feel a sence of relieve for letting go

I do not want to divorce but that is hanging on I must truly let her go

Ghost

[MoveFrwd]

I need to put some space between my W and I if I was living on her doorstep then I know I would find it incredibly difficult to move on I would be forever passing her house or trying to make excuses to see her and the children so as hard as this is I am making a decision to move about 180 miles away. I will be close to my sister and my elderly mother this will bring me some comfort and some support

I pray that I can keep a good relationship with my younger children I hate my wife for making her decision

To me, more than 'letting her go', I really feel you should be worrying about this and focusing on fixing your issues. Youre moving 3 hours away from your children because of this. This is YOUR choice. Not W's.

Time to be happy in my own skin time to think of me and my children

Yep. It's long past time.

[ATPeace]

Hi

Well I thought I would drop in it has been a while a long while since I have been happy.

Been going out to several meet up groups and I have made quite a few new friends been having great conversations and this is with both men and women

I have ralised that there is life after being married

Letting go of my Wife was the hardest thing that I ever had to do but I have done it and the sence of relieifthat has come from it is huge.

I was stuck for a very very long time and many of the vets must have been pulling teath trying to get me to see this

I am sorry that it took me so long to finally get it

I am still upset that my marriage was one of the inest that ended and I was not able to reconcile sometimes anger and bitterness goes much deeper than first realised

Sandi fog v huddy sotto I know I have missed many who stood by me thank you all.

I am very happy chatting to a lady from the group we get along extremely well can chat for hours.

Snooker and pool have been fun and I am even looking to restart my tennis soon

Everyone deals with things differently and there is no normal
I am happy again

Thank you again

Ghost

[roist]

I am glad you have found your happiness. Best wishes

[job]

I am so glad that you've finally found peace and happiness. It takes a long time to get to this point, but when you do...it's so much better.

Best wishes and please come by to visit...don't be a stranger.

[ATPeace]

Thank you I will come by from the to time

I know I made all the mistakes that I could but that is part of life without making the mistakes I do not believe I would have found the answers that I have found

Not sure if Sandi has managed to check in but if anyone sees her please can you pass to her my gratitude and love for all the time she spent helping me

An offer has been made on my house I will be moving to the country I have been out with a lady that I met at one of the local meet ups and it was pleasent I am not looking to rush into another relationship but I am having a fun time moving forwards

The number one thing that I took away from here is that the fear of the unknown can be crippling loose the fear and the magic can begin

Now all I have to do is deal with a divorce try and come out of it with tha shirt on my back hopefully she will keep the divorce amicable

I wish you all love and peace

Ghost

[sandi2]

Thank you, Ghost. I wish for you to have joy and peace. Take care of yourself, and I hope we hear from you about your new life.


Sandi