Working on a Trial Separation Agreement with MLC H

[Rose888]

I guess I wasn't really clear... We worked out a whole complicated schedule to accommodate for our typical schedules and now at every turn he wants an exception. So, for example, he has the kids every Saturday night and I have them every Friday night. Well, he just scheduled a bunch of freelance gigs (he's a musician) on Saturday nights, even though we both agreed to this schedule. Then, the day before that he asked me to move something on a Tuesday and he'd "make up the time" to me on Sunday....

Child care is an issue because my kids have never had a babysitter in their lives due to our mutual ability to work together so one of us was always home. In retrospect, this "flexibility on our parts" also led to us never doing anything together since one was always doing childcare. We have no relatives nearby and live in a semi-rural area. S13 could do some babysitting, but not late at night.

I just feel like I am expected to keep up the flexibility and compromise of our old relationship, even has he's cast that aside - would not even try therapy, even though we went a couple of times. He says he needs to "stand on his own two feet," but that seems to me I have to always be available to pick up after him and his kids will not be able to count on a regular schedule.

I'm really stuck here because he (and we) does need to make money and should take opportunities as they come up, but if he does that, I have to pass things up and the kids also don't get to see him.

You're not stuck. You have a choice. You can choose to continue to be flexible or you can choose to stick to the schedule and tell him he needs to find a babysitter.

I'd definitely choose the second option, because I think over time the first option will cause too much resentment on your part, and arguing between the two of you, and that will be worse for your kids than having a babysitter.

I'm sympathetic to the fact that you want different choices, but I think it's important to acknowledge that you do have a choice because framing it as being stuck tends to lead to increasing feelings of powerlessness.