Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 8

[skyhigh]

Sara,

I agree with you, his actions are the best indicators of his remorse. It seems from what you are describing that his mind is now tuned to yours, which is such a big step. He started the shift from the Me to the You and US.

May be what you need for now is just to be able to live peacefully, to relax. You have been under tremendously stress since over a year and you were robbed of living your last pregnancy the way it should be. So "Carpe Diem" but stay vigilant. Even in piecing, they are still very "touchy"and "volatile", their mood is still subject to ups and downs with no reason.

At the very beginning of the piecing phase, the heavy lifting is still mostly on us, but they need our kindness/love to validate they were right to stay/come back and to put to rest their internal fear that they messed up so much that there is no hope left for marital recovery. Remember that's during that phase they are starting to realize which mess they created and they become really aware of the consequences of it had on their family.

Being supportive/kind doesn't mean you become a doormat but you just pick your battle wisely and also give him space when needed, it seems you got that part pretty well . Also it's important to share with him what are your boundaries and the consequences in case they are crossed. He needs to understand that you are willing to give your relationship a new chance but it depends of his "behavior", it's just to avoid him to pressure you to accept some behavior.

But with time you will notice that their instinct to be right all the time goes down. So being very considerate of his opinions and choices, if they are not offensive or going really against something that you valued a lot, will be appreciated by him down the road and he will start doing the same to you, it takes a few months, so be patient and keep GAL, disclaimer: he might want to do join you...

I completely understand your struggle with resentment, but reading Bluwave's threads made me realized it was a phase I had to go through, so I decided to "detach" myself from it and to look to the future instead of the past. Work in progress.