My wife left me about a month ago. I don't know whether I should post a story here, first, but I have something I specifically want to talk about.
It's like asking for a prescription without you describing the symptoms. If we have some background information, it will help us know the best advice to give you.
What are the ages of you and wife? Has your W been in any previous long-term relationship, or are you the first one?
Did your W have a fairly normal/healthy childhood?
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My dad and step mom are saying to sweep her off her feet with romance.
If your W has some other guy in her head, then the advice to sweep her off her feet with romance will not work at all. In fact, it will make matters worse. You see, whenever a married woman opens her heart to some other man, she shuts downs her heart to her husband. It's not like it might have been when you were dating before marriage. Not if she has brought a third party into the MR (either emotionally, physically, or just her imagination). So, I think you can mark that particular advice off the list.
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My mom says to work on me and try to make my wife jealous, by making myself more attractive, which is more in line with what this site says, I believe, which is to make myself a person only an idiot wouldn't want back.
I mostly agree with your mom's advice. However, you realize that there are a lot of idiots in the world, right? Whenever a wife has another man in her head (or bed).....she pretty much resembles a fool/idiot. Her logic goes out the window, so can forget about trying to reason with her. This is not the same girl you married!
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but do think it's possible she could have become physical, at least by 'accident'
Would you explain what you mean by accident?
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Because I believe she has replaced me, though I have little evidence of it, it seems so counter-intuitive to think that pulling away from her is going to do anything more than help her get over me and be more into this other guy she might be with.
DBing is counterintuitive, period.
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The last time she pulled away from me, the first year we were dating, another guy was involved. 9 years later, a similar thing is happening, but we are now married (for exactly 7 years, when she started going cold on me right after our anniversary, in late November).
Briefly tell us about the other time. Why did she do it, and what caused her to change her mind and go back to you?
My advice is to forget about going dark. You need to read Divorce Remedy, first of all. The way I understand "going dark" is the absolutely last option, where you basically fall off the planet....for all your W knows. There are too many other things to do, other than going dark. But this is what happens when someone jumps into things before they understand what they are really doing.
Anyway, keep posting and reading the links Cadet sent you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
