seeing ex-wife in 3 days. need advice

[james17]

Thanks so much for your advice. I'm trying to follow your suggestions and working hard to move on with my own life. I can see that is the only and best option. However, I can't shut the door on my relationship just yet. I loved Kaizen's message that i can still lead an amazing life with the door still open.

my ex and i talked yesterday for a while. she said she missed me, her best friend. i told her i missed her too. we talked a lot about some of the mistakes we made in our relationship. It hurt a lot as my ex wife said that she is so happy and can't see herself ever leaving her current bf despite dating only one month. she urged me to move on from her. she said that he was on his own since he was 17 and would never leave her because he needs her. this makes her feel safe and she feels this is the thing she has been missing her whole life, and allows her to grow. we both agreed it's probably not the healthiest situation for her but she says this is what she wants and needs, and i said i was happy that she was happy.

but I asked her, "wouldn't you rather have someone who loved himself and loved you unconditionally as well? wouldn't you rather have a pure love that isn't based on attachment/need?" and she agreed that it would be better. i'm not mature enough, and have my own issues, but feel i can get there one day.

meanwhile, my therapist on the other hand, thinks my ex-wife and I are really not right for each other and urges me to move on and find someone else. my work now is to try to really detach from her and GAL. i hope that one day, she can feel the change in me and come back. my problem is whenever i feel that reconciliation is hopeless, i get depressed. but that's the definition of detachment i guess. that's the kind of man i want to be.