So Confused and Conflicted

[WshIKnw]

I see that in the Going Dark thread, people say that if your spouse complained of you being aloof, then going dark could be seen as more of the same. The primary thing I'm guilty of that she has complained about a ton is neglecting her, forgetting that it's my job to impress her, not understanding that just because I'm happy, that doesn't mean she is, even if she acts like it 90% of the time (at least in my eyes). So, I'm afraid that not pursuing her is doing the opposite of what she needs. Unfortunately, she doesn't often act very receptive to my pursuits. She has rejected most of my requests to do things with her, things she used to love, like going on walks, hikes, and canoeing, even though when she left, she said I would be able to date her during this time. What are the situations in which pulling back from her are not a good idea? At some point, it's got to be bad, right? If someone else is working their way into my spot, isn't me going dark like the last thing in the world that would help my situation?

It seems that distance can do one of two things, make them miss you or make them get over you. It seems like such a bargain. I can't help but wonder if there are better solutions out there. Can you share with me the rationale behind detaching or going dark? When my wife rarely ever initiates communication, I don't know whether that is a sign that I should go dark, or if she is holding back, letting me be the pursuer and the one rejected for once. She's always been a "I'll show you how it feels" person. Yesterday we saw each other at the park, where I got to visit with our dog, too. She was about 10 minutes late. Lateness is something that I was always terrible about, and something that she's always been good about. So, I think it's possible that a whole lot of what she does is just trying to make me see how it feels.