Moving on to the next phase

[bttrfly]

Here's what I can tell you about my experience. My xh dropped the bomb, had a plan in his head for what would happen then got pretty freaked out when things didn't go according to the plan he had in his head. I consulted a lawyer and advised him to do the same. So, he lawyered up with a VERY expensive father's rights atty who demanded a ridiculously high retainer for a non-contested divorce with a kid who was 15 --- age is key, as son was old enough for the courts to take his wishes into account. Ex's lawyer caused way more problems, so much so that exh actually terminated their relationship about 6 or 8 months before we even went to court.

It seems this lawyer also convinced my xh that I was hiding assets because my name is on the deed to both my parents home and a plot of land that they own. According to xh, I hid this from him, I lied to him and it's a marital asset I was trying to keep from him.

This was totally irrational and erroneous. My name was on the properties four years before we'd even met. In fact, xh drove me to the lawyer's office to sign documents to change my name on the properties after we'd gotten married. My parents always paid taxes on the properties and I was specifically listed as only getting control after they both pass away. The land was supposed to be ours to build on but we never opted to do that. This was all well known to xh, yet in the throes of the divorce process he truly believed I was lying and out to hide assets from him. I don't know if he still believes that.

Was this instilled by his lawyer, fueled by MLC insanity and a medical condition he had? I believe so. He also took a secret vacation to Hawaii on our 21st wedding anniversary then months later when he had to show me credit card receipts he said he expected me to pay half.

In my experience they are nuts. The closer to the actual divorce proceedings you get, the crazier they become. No one is at their best. Try with all your heart to figure out what it is that you want. Negotiate from there. It helps to pray for the highest good for all concerned to be the result. That's the best I have to offer. My xh towards the end of it all did say that I never asked for anything for myself, it was always to protect our son, and acknowledged that I worked hard at being fair.

You will get through it though it feels really awful at the time. I likened it to free falling from an airplane without a parachute.

You can do this. xoxoxoxo