Jeep, thanks man for the words of encouragement. Cadet, I will not let her find it, I promise. First rule of MLC club...don't talk about MLC club. Lately: I've been doing my best trying not let this stuff get to me and it's working. I think though to get to the point where you can truly focus on kids or work or other areas of your life (GAL), you have to go make mistakes and ask questions and get it out of your system. I think newcomers make the mistake of thinking all is lost when they let their anger or sadness rule their actions. It's not the end, it's the beginning. To truly get to that place where you can stop the spying and obsessiveness you have to let it all out, let go. I did. I stopped all of it. I still wonder, I still care, I still love her, but I don't obsess anymore. When I think about asking questions I always think to myself," what answer could she give me that I could beleieve right now". The answer is NONE! So my mind moves on and my soul rests. It's that simple. But you have to let go of the jealousy and obsession with knowing. That's the only way. It takes a little practice. But once mastered it opens all the doors to GAL and detachment and living . This weekend she goes away again. Will I care what she's doing? Of course. But I won't check her phone, I won't try to locate her, I won't call or text...I'll occupy my mind and time with other things. Am I in acceptance? I think so. The other day when she was out the only thing I was worried about was that she gets home safe. If you can truly believe their actions are SYMPTOMS, you can accomplish a lot. Anyway that's how I'm going about things now. I had a buddy that went through the exact same thing. His W traveled, felt trapped, had an EA, he obsessed for 9 months, got angry all the time, had no clue what to do. One day he couldn't take it anymore and said he was gonna move out. She did a 180 and now they're better than ever. Sometimes it takes extreme measures I guess. For every action there's a reaction, change brings change. Not every WW, WAW or MLC is the same I know. But that state of mind in them has a lot of similarities I think we can all learn from and adapt to our own sitchs. I wasn't sure if my W was gonna stay the night althis weekend at the hotel she's giving a presentation at. But my S just me she talked to him on the way to drop him off at school this morning. He said she asked if he was mad her and said that she was just doing a lot of work stuff lately and soon she would be able to spend time with them. She told him she was gonna be gone this weekend again but would see them Sat and Sun and spend some time with them. I asked him what he thought when she told him this and he said, "I wanted to sigh.." he's just so disgusted with her it's hard to take. Now.. I want to text her and ask questions and get angry and tell her what she's doing to her kids, but what good would it do? Either she'd lie about what she's doing to make it seem unimportant or she'd get angry. A no win sitch. I'm gonna stay the course and just try and maintain space from her. Times on my side. I can't play into her hands. Wish me luck. AK8
