More spewing this morning. It can be really hard to take.
The towel bar came off the anchor in the wall. I tried to put it back on, but it wasn't locking into place. So, I asked H for help. He used this as an opportunity to vent.
He raged about how this is yet another job for a handyman. He will just add it to the list (one of the sinks in our bathroom is leaking). Then he complained about some tiles we had repaired over the summer that are cracked again. He said, why bother to fix anything until we are ready to sell the house. He complained that we just wasted money in having the tiles fixed. (We did. He insisted they be repaired. I thought it was premature given I wasn't going to agree to put the house up. So rather than argue about it, I relented and agreed to help pay for the repair.) Then he ranted about having to get our taxes done and having to find a new accountant. (Ours retired.) He said he thought we would have to pay this year and he doesn't know what will happen next year because things will be different. On and on he ranted for a full five minutes.
I just sat there, listened, and nodded my head. He wasn't attacking me, thankfully, but I didn't know what to say. I knew he was angry and frustrated. And I was afraid. I was afraid to say the wrong thing and make matters worse, and I was afraid that because I was saying nothing, I was making matters worse. It was no win situation, at least in my head.
Then I tried to think about this differently. I know that he is frustrated about the house not being on the market. But that is on him. He wants this divorce, so he will have to do the heaving lifting. The way I see it, this is something on his side of his street that needs cleaning. I will not allow his problems to become my problems.
In some of his prior rants, he has complained that we need to have some serious conversations about sorting out property and custody, but we haven't had those conversations. Well, I am not initiating those conversations. (Nor am I planning on telling him this. Should I rethink this?) He hasn't initiated them either. Not a single one. He only brings up the fact we need to talk about these topics when he works himself up into a tizzy.
He is an intelligent, capable, and responsible man at work. So I don't know what to make of this. Part of me is hoping that this means he doesn't really want a divorce; another part of me thinks he does and is just afraid to start the process. He doesn't want to be the "bad guy." It's all so confusing.
Any advice out there?
How does one handle the MLC rants when they aren't directed at the LBS?
What is up with his confusing behavior about the house and these must have conversations?
