I am no longer looking actively for reconciliation, because I see now so clearly that WH has to be the driver behind this, he has to be convinced this is what he wants and until, if ever, he reaches this point, I need to just get on with living and healing - i.e. GAL. I am going to actively engage in doing things to make me happy now - am going to go swimming on Thursday, start working out again, joining the gym at work tomorrow, and reading stuff that isn't related to relationships etc. WH has taken enough of my past from me, I'll be damned if I'm going to let him take more of my present and any of my future.
BUT...
I still find there's an ember glowing, in my little war torn heart. A little ember of hope. I've been reading PsySara's threads - her turn around is amazing. It's inspiring and raises conflicted feelings in me - hope, positivity, and at the same time, hopelessness and feelings of failure. Because her WH looked pretty gone to me at certain stages. But the start of their piecing as she's described it, just a month after he said he wanted to D, is a dream come true - it's my dream too.
I spoke to a friend about it yesterday - described PsySara's sitch and turnaround and how it made me think I wanted to try that and I should keep hanging in there. Hanging in there means not relocating to my country of origin, where I have better job prospects, all my family and my oldest friends, a great support network, and where I feel truly myself, my strongest, best self, with my son. I've been hesitating because as much as I hate WH at the moment and hate this city, I love my little boy so much the thought of doing anything that would hurt him is killing me, even though I know he would adjust and will see WH, albeit less regularly.
When I cited PsySara's example, my friend pointed out statistically, her sitch is probably v rare.
I want to ask - anyone come to the conclusion that stories of restoration are very much in the minority? JujuB has affirmed this to me. Anyone else can tell me what's happened to them, what they think?
