1. i know i can't control anything about her new relationship, but i just wanted to hear opinions. Because her new relationship happened so fast (they had one dinner and then professed their love for each other, he's 4 years younger than her, only been dating each other for a month, and smokes marijuana everyday, but said he'll stop for her, is the opposite of what she usually would have dated) i always wished that this thing was temporary. but she says they are really in love, and thinks they will end up with each other. i think my wife really just always wanted someone to love her no matter what, and i think this guy will probably do that despite his other shortcomings. i wonder if perhaps maybe they are really right for each other? i was never able to cherish my wife while we were together, and i devastatingly regret it. should i just tell her i am happy for them, and they are good together?
It may end quickly. It may not. How do most relationships that begin as such end up? Id say the odds are against them. But all you can do is live your life and see what happens.
But I wouldnt tell her that you are happy for 'them'. You can say you are happy that she seems happy. But I wouldnt go any farther than that.
Originally Posted By: james17
2. is it possible for me and my wife to really be close friends? should i detach and not talk to her for a year?
It's certainly possible you can be great friends. The DB coaches believe this is the best way to rebuild a relationship. In my opinion, though, it wasnt a choice I was willing to make. Im not interested in a friendship with my ex. I was fired as a spouse and replaced by another. I dont want to be friends with someone with those values.
Originally Posted By: james17
3. is it really over between us? i know we can't predict the future. but it seems like all the writing is on the wall and i should just close the door on this? i just don't want to because i feel that if I heal, we really would be ideal for each other. she has said this as well, but says right now what's in front of her, she doesn't see a chance, and thinks i'll be happier with another girl. it'll take me a long time to change. I'm committed to changing, but i'm just afraid there is no hope between my ex and I.
This is your fear talking. In my opinion, live your life as if she is never coming back. Heal as you need to and live. It's up to you if and when you want to close that door. Theres an amazing life you can have with that door still open.
