Working on a Trial Separation Agreement with MLC H

[ccgrrl]

Well, as you all can see, I've taken a break from coming here for the past few weeks...It actually seems much longer than that.

My H. and I have come to a written separation agreement without the involvement of lawyers, something we both felt was very important. It almost crumbled when he refused to actually sign the document, even though we both found that the document would not be enforceable anyway. For me it was very important because it meant that he did actually intend to live up to what he was agreeing to. Ultimately, I let it go, though. I told him I was giving him the benefit of the doubt, even though he could not do that for me. I also told him if it didn't seem he was really trying to meet his financial and childcare obligations, when this agreement expires (in 4 months), I will be using a lawyer. He thanked be for my generosity.

But before all of that, the negotiations were quite difficult. At one point he asked me to put in a line that said I was okay with him seeing other women!! I told him that was cruel and that I knew well enough that I could not control him when he was out the door, but that there was no way I was going to add that to an agreement that is about childcare and finances.

I told my IC and she said that actually I would be surprised by how many men seem to want their wife's permission to have an affair. It's really quite bizarre to me....

Anyway, so he is supposed to move out at the end of the week. Tomorrow we tell the kids (6 & 13)... I'm really scared for how they will respond. I have come to terms with this insanity, but how could they possibly understand this?

Whatever happens, I plan to use these four months to get my life as a single parent together, because it really does seem he is pretty certain he wants a divorce.... It's so strange, because things have become rather congenial here and I don't understand what he thinks will be better out there. I don't think he know how much he is going to miss this family time - either that, or he is under the mistaken impression that we are all still going to hang out together.

At any rate, while I am working through things (I recommend this book called "Transitions" by William Bridges) and I think my detachment is really becoming a way of life for me, I don't know how to guide my kids through this since it will be as surprising to them as it all was at the BD. I've had over 3 months to absorb it, but it will all be fresh again tomorrow when we talk.

Wish me luck...And thank you all for your continuing support.