seeing ex-wife in 3 days. need advice

[james17]

hi all. thank you all for your support so far. i'm could really use some advice.

But a brief summary is as follows: My wife and I were both immature and fought all the time. About 2 years ago, I had an emotional affair with another girl and told wife I wanted divorce. I stayed alone, didn't see anyone while she went to live with her parents before moving back with me. 1 year ago I realized what an a$$hole I had been and begged to work things out with her. We lived together, but things didn't improve enough. she couldn't wait for me to change. i was still depressed and annoyed often. 1 month ago, she told me she fell in love with a co-worker and wanted to finalize our divorce. I did a lot wrong at first, begged, pleaded, cried. Until I finally decided to move away and start my life over. I packed everything in my car and drove down to california.

my wife and i always had a very strange relationship. we would yell at each other all the time due to our issues. but when i broke up with her, we still talked every single day. we were best friends, she just said she couldn't forgive me for my cruelty and EA as a partner, but considered me family. we were very kind with each other dividing finances and moving. and she called me a lot after she left for OM to help me through the process. although sometimes maybe i thought she was unsure about her new relationship, and wanted to test where I was. not sure.

i didn't realize how depressed and messed up i was during our marriage. i have since started talking to a therapist and trying to address my issues in the past. it's been really hard. I think my ex-wife would like for us to remain close friends and call each other once in a while. she is coming to california after her vacation with her OM to work on taxes with me. i had a few questions...

1. i know i can't control anything about her new relationship, but i just wanted to hear opinions. Because her new relationship happened so fast (they had one dinner and then professed their love for each other, he's 4 years younger than her, only been dating each other for a month, and smokes marijuana everyday, but said he'll stop for her, is the opposite of what she usually would have dated) i always wished that this thing was temporary. but she says they are really in love, and thinks they will end up with each other. i think my wife really just always wanted someone to love her no matter what, and i think this guy will probably do that despite his other shortcomings. i wonder if perhaps maybe they are really right for each other? i was never able to cherish my wife while we were together, and i devastatingly regret it. should i just tell her i am happy for them, and they are good together?

2. is it possible for me and my wife to really be close friends? should i detach and not talk to her for a year?

3. is it really over between us? i know we can't predict the future. but it seems like all the writing is on the wall and i should just close the door on this? i just don't want to because i feel that if I heal, we really would be ideal for each other. she has said this as well, but says right now what's in front of her, she doesn't see a chance, and thinks i'll be happier with another girl. it'll take me a long time to change. I'm committed to changing, but i'm just afraid there is no hope between my ex and I.

thanks. would really appreciate your responses