Today I have filed for divorce and I feel so much at peace with myself. I have no anger towards ex as he is who he is.

Why have I done it? When I came here I truly believed that I could save my marriage, made some wrong moves but now I can clearly say that I have given it my best shot. I have grown so much that I'm way ahead of ex and unfortunately I can't see any growth or even lesson learnt on his part. I'm too far ahead for him to catch up with me. Ex is stuck in his anger towards me ( wonder what I did to deserve this! Haha), still stuck in his old ways ( putting himself first) and most importantly he hasn't worked on him. Ex is always blaming others for things that don't go well in his life, and therefore isn't looking at what he might have done for those things to happen.

I have decided to go for adultery but refused to name OW. She might have known all along that he was married or she might have been a victim of his charms I don't know but I have dignity and it is not in my nature to be vengeful. I didn't go after OW when I found out, who do it now? It will appear as petty and as someone who hasn't healed. I don't want to be consumed by hatred and anger. Yes ex has done me wrong big time, and yes it's unfair but I have made peace that sometimes life is unfair.

I want to be happy and feel loved again as I think I have a lot to offer. I'm not filling to find someone else as I don't want at the moment, but I want closure. If I ever come to meet someone again, I want to be able to tell that person that I'm free to love again as ai would be divorced not separated.

I still love ex but not enough to start a new marriage if he was to come back. Trust is completely gone and I wouldn't be able to forgive and forget how I became a divorcee, nor all the agression that ex expressed towards me. He has chosen his journey by forcing me to make decisions for him, and it was hard but at the same time for the last two years I have accomplished things I thought I would never be able to. I'm so strong that I can't believe what I have achieved. Ex is still the same. For example while I was talking to him regarding our eldest being bullied on the phone he carried on cutting tiles meaning I could hardly hear him. This man has no respect for me, why would I want him back?

Yes at times I wanted revenge (and I feel there will still be a part of me which would want it), but I have faith that at some point ex will have to answer to God.

I have made new friends. I have a life that I enjoy (ok still sad times but they are fewer apart), BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY I HAVE CONQUERED DEPRESSION. I love the new me, so much more positive, calm that going back with ex would drag me back in the hole and I'm not prepared to live like that again.

Everyone here who has read, posted on my thread you are incredible, amazing and i wouldn't have found peace without your guidance. Thank you so much for your kindness, your support, your friendship and your honesty.