I feel like over the last week or so I have gained some much needed clarity giving me a changed perspective. A better perspective. A more positive one. I think. Lol! That's the ambivalence of my still lingering depression.
I consulted Dr. Google on the subject of passive aggression. I came across several articles stating that passive aggression is covert emotional abuse.
Does anyone else out there agree with this view?
Another great book I have recently finished is The Emotionally Unavailable Man. I feel like after reading Living with the Passive Aggressive Man and this book, I have turned a corner. I think because now I truly believe this mess wasn't entirely all my fault. I have read those words in all the literature over and over that it's not my fault, I have said those words to myself over and over, but something about those books have helped me to actually FEEL it.
In The Emotionally Unavailable Man, the author suggests that in order to create a more loving relationship you have to make a conscious choice about love. You do that by doing a purposeful behavior where you do something to care for your partner . . . big or small. She gave some examples of doing his laundry, surprise him for lunch, turn back the sheets on his side of the bed, buy him tickets to a basketball game, not to criticize him all day.
My question is that these behaviors don't seem very DBish. They seem like pursuing behaviors that would chase our MLC'er in the opposite direction. Does anyone else feel that way? Wouldn't these behaviors be better off done later when/if he returns to the relationship? These are behaviors that work on the relationship and since he is not there yet, I ought not to do them? Am I on the right track?
As an update . . . H has started a master's degree program. He spent most of the weekend reading and writing. He hardly spent any time with his son. I'm venting when I write this, but, how in the world does he expect to manage 50% custody time with this, his full time job, and his insane workout schedule?!? Maybe he doesn't plan on sleeping? Oh, I know, he quit therapy. The extra hour he has gained will certainly open up a huge hole in his schedule.
Okay, rant over. But seriously, it seems to me just another bandaid on the wound. More running. If I'm doing this over here, then I don't have to think about this over here.
On the positive side, maybe he'll be too busy to think about divorce. It'll buy me some more time.
Last edited by job; 01/30/1702:08 PM. Reason: Add link to previous thread
