I had a lot to do with the way the M went. Not long after our D past in 2010 the intimacy slowed down. We started drinking heavy,got us into financial trouble. I just let myself go to hell. My biggest regret is that I didn't get the family into grief counseling.
So sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter about 13 months ago, and there have been many days I had no desire to get out of bed, eat, dress, or anything. I don't think it is too late for grief counseling, if you could influence your family to attend. We all deal with grief in our private ways, and some people don't emotionally deal at all.....b/c you are never ready for something so devastating as losing your child, no matter their age.
When you describe your W, it sounds as if you are describing me. Only, it was me almost ten years ago. I was reading the romance books, and playing the games.....in an EA, the whole bit. I was in such a depressed state. I remember how I desperately wanted to run away and escape my reality. In a sense, I suppose that is what I was doing. If my D had passed previous to that period, it might have made more sense as to why I seemed to have lost my way.
Many things will test the strength of a marriage, but I think there are two things that top the list. One is infidelity and the other is the death of a child. The first one is obvious to understand how it could break up a MR. However, the second one may not be understood as well. Unfortunately, I have seen young couples suffer the loss of their child.....and could not heal together and would eventually separate. I find it so tragic, but I think I can understand just a little bit. Emotional pain can be so personal and private. When relief seems to never come, we begin looking for something to ease the pain.
I can identify with your W "shutting down". The disinterest in her previous activities, and then she starts becoming more isolated with people IRL (so to speak). It is easier to have contact with strangers online, and lose herself in fantasy of romantic books. She may, or may not, look or act depressed outwardly, but I dare say this stems from her grief. If there were other issues in the past, then the grief may compound it all.
Can you tell us more about the MR before 2010?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
