One of many things bothering me about my situation is my W sometimes admits we have a good M. But she wants a great and very different M. Our M is safe and boring and predictable and there are things she wants to do and be and explore that she can't if she is M.
This is problematic with the MLCrs .... they have a fantasy all mapped out in their heads of how euphoric M should be. This is by definition Disillusionment and its one of the stages of a marriage when one realizes that their spouse may not have lived up to all those things one fantasized since they were little. Truth is ... NO ONE will live up to these things so either they accept this as truth, or they struggle with the lie they told themselves, and in a MLCr this fuels the "Why I can not be with you" campign they desperately try to convince themselves.
You can not fix this, she must arrive at the place where she realizes she actually has it pretty good and you are in fact her # 1 choice. Stay the course but just know where this is coming from so it keeps you from spinning.
Originally Posted By: Gordie
Another relatedness issue I struggle with: W hints that all romantic R have a dominant and a submissive (and I'm not talking about sex). She no longer wants to be the submissive and doesn't think I can be the submissive so she needs a new romantic partner. What do you make of this R paradigm and how can I address this issue?
Again ... she has found this new inner person whom she is starting to listen to. Again more fuel on what she thinks she wants. Truth be told, I have not found many women who desire a submissive male .... not that they want a dominant A hold 24 7. Normally when BD hits a good number of guys turn submissive, pursue, beg and plead which makes them appear weak only making the MLCr/WAW run faster ... its not till he GAL, PMA, and 180's his way through that the WAW takes notice and starts to question her choice.
I would not address this nor change it ... IMHO she may openly complain about it to you but I would bet dollars to donuts its something she finds attractive in your personality.
