Hi everyone, nothing to add this weekend, so going to reply to my posts and do some journal-ling instead.
Sotto, AndrewP and Altair - thank you so much for dropping by and for your kind support and love, it really does mean such a lot to me.
Bttrfly -
Originally Posted By: bttrfly
Well, another way to view it is that it was $3.5k well spent, as you never have to learn that lesson again! trying for a silver lining dearest.
It was my second lesson in his spending, I am obviously a slow learner lol. In this instance there really is no silver lining, my trusting nature bit me full in the a$$ and I should have known better. My intense desire to have him back in my life temporarily gave me amnesia to his past flaws, its money I could ill afford to loose. But thank you for trying to make this sound better than it is xxx
Originally Posted By: bttrfly
Dearest, is now the time to look into divorce and spousal support? I hate to say this to you, but this situation is just not right. You were in a very long term marriage and a stay at home mother. There must be laws about this in NZ ...
Half of nothing is nothing, this is what he had when he left and he has even less now. He opted out of all his pension schemes (I was unaware of this until recently when in his moment of clarity we were talking future and he told me) so there is nothing to have there either and he currently has debts. As for spousal support, I am not entitled to it anymore - the law here is a judge deciding how long it would take me to stand on my own two feet, whether that be by going back to school and getting qualifications or getting a job which would pay my basic living costs. I have shown that I have and am standing on my own two feet, in fact currently I am earning more than him as he is still on his sabbatical. H gave me what was left of our house sale to live off until I found work, I had 3 weeks rent left of it in the bank when I finally got a job.
There is nothing in joint name anymore, I took myself off everything when he left after BD1. I wanted to make sure I was not named on any debts he accrued after he left, which turned out to be a very prudent move as he got a couple of loans and maxed two cc out trying to keep ow happy and live his life to the full, whatever made him feel happy he did it. He has no claim on anything I earn or inherit or win or find on a beach, we are completely separate financially and legally he can't touch me.
So as for d, he started this so he can finish it. Whilst I do think it is highly unlikely he will try to reconnect again the possibility is still there, I have not gone through all this, including the touch and go, to give up. If it naturally goes that way then so be it, for now I am single so until that status changes the door will be ajar for him - but it will be a really heavy door for him to open ....
In other h news, s20 g/friend mentioned h the other day (she does not know of the h mention ban in the house) and said he is visiting s22 this weekend - the s that was never going to talk to his dad ever again - seems like he is doing damage control with both boys now, what worries me is that once h finds his next "miss right" the boys will go to the bottom of the priority list again and they will get hurt ... again. I know there is nothing I can do about this, I do stay out of it completely, but it is hard as their mother to watch this happen to them over and over.
No contact from h, I wonder if he feels he can, he said last time he never felt he had the right to and was waiting for me to break the silence (although it was him that did find an excuse and emailed me) I am not sure how DB works with this situation. I have gone nc and he is doing the same, but how do you know if its what he wants right now, to be left alone, or if he feels to guilty and ashamed to say hi ? I honestly have nothing to say to him, so perhaps its best left alone and if he really wants to talk to me he will find a way. IDK.
So onward to another week. Joy joy, helping loved up couples plan their first/second weddings and parties, its not the greatest job for a newly single gal lol. S20 has started a new job, if he gets through his 90 day trial then he said he will be moving to the town his job is in to cut down on fuel, understandable. I wont panic rent just yet, will wait until nearer the time, a lot can happen in 3 months!
I have been thinking about a few short trips I can do on my weekends off, thinking maybe buy a 2nd hand tent to keep accommodation costs down, figured after 6 weekends I will have paid it off in motel charges, so is worth the investment. Got to do something to get me out of this funk I am in. And yes, I do know I am in one.
As always, thanks for reading and your support, keep muddling through everyone, don't forget you are amazing beautiful people who deserve nothing but the best. xoxo
