- Read and watch a few things on mansplaining. If you recognize yourself in that, change.
- When she is talking, do you ever correct small details that aren't important to the story? For example, if she says, "Remember that restaurant we ate at on the trip we took to Florida in 2003?" Do you say, "Actually it was 2004"?
- Do you override her decisions? I think you said this is not an issue, that you've divided up areas of ownership, but adding it to the list just in case.
- When you are talking, do you ever seem surprised if she asks for clarification or needs more background? Do your words or tone ever imply, "Really? You don't know that?"
- Do you call her pet names that can be taken sarcastically or that infantalize her? Is she "Princess" or "Baby" or "Doll"? This is one with discussing with her, because she might like that coming from you. But do ask if you use them.
- If she comes to you with something to discuss, do you jump in to solve the problem before she's finished telling you what the problem is? Listen and validate until she asks you a direct question.
Not sure if any of that helps, but these are some things I've seen and experienced that make me feel condescended to.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
