Remember it's just a idea so you can discard it, apply it or change it to make it your own. That's the beauty of brainstorming or Think Tank. Start with something and then build up or move on to the next idea. Good night
Me 52+ WH 57+ Married 20 + Piecing since 2016 (ready to give up...)
Can she really not just hand it to you to affect service?
We had a great night out at a restaurant with two other families. Good food, beer, lots of laughter, kids having fun.
Then before going to bed, she came to me and said, You're right, I can just give you the [divorce] papers. So I think I'm just going to give them to you.
I nodded but said nothing.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
skyhigh-- I like the concept of what you're suggesting, but not sure putting into the D agreement is the right way to make it happen. Could add a lot of stress to make it a requirement. Will have to think about it.
Gordie-- my W has taken a series of small steps to file. Got the paperwork, asked me to look it over, filled out the paperwork, and filed it. She's just hesitating on the very last step of serving me. So I take her very seriously, despite her last-minute doubts.
maly-- 5 years!!! Your signature says you initially separated in 2012, and PA occurred in 2016. During those 4 years, did you remain strictly separated (in-house)? Or were there periods when you were "together" emotionally and physically? I cannot imagine living together with a separated spouse for 5 years.
Fg yes that's exactly how it was,with periods of together kinda when she wanted,,think this was mlc touch and go stage sex and all that,even telling me she loved me,I don't know exactly when the pa started I've a suspicion it was more like 2013/14 but I only found out in 2016 that's when the sh-t hit the fan,I just had enough of her she was kinda killing me inside,it was like a living hell in limbo she seemed happy living like that in control and using me like a doormat,but I couldent see it love is blind,but I've kinda woke up now I'm not going to let her treat me like that any more or ever again,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Your W is having a really difficult dinner pulling the trigger. Having a great night with her family creates additional dissonance in her mind so she tries to dig in her heels to validate her decision of leaving. She has no control over her happiness and this is how she thinks she can exert it?
It's so incredibly miserable for you and I feel you on the increasing numbness and dulling of the pain. You can only endure it so long before you feel nothing.
Your attitude of gratefulness despite your circumstances (it could be worse, because you and your children still be in) is healthy. You're alive, have the means to provide for your family, food, shelter, etc.
I think it may be a while before your W pulls the trigger or there may be some sort of event. IDK, just a feeling.
Fg BTW,I pushed my wife to d me then I pushed her to leave,I had to she was doing my head in,making me I'll with her antics I wasent sleeping/eating and so on,she was happy living in the same house her in one room and me in another,and me being ther when she felt like it,I just could not take it any longer,and I'm sure if I had not forced her out she would be still hear and doing the same thing,I was helping her with her new life but was blind to it,now I'm getting back on my feet since she left,and now let's see how she likes life without me,if her life it better without me in it good luck to her,but if its not then tuff,all I can say is when there in this mlc they are cruel creatures very cruel and its you who is on the receiving end like a punch bag,now I'm fighting back,no more rolling over from me,and I'm certanly not going to help or make her new life good,I'm getting off that rollercoaster,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Its like your in a war , My w has dropped a lot of bombs and won a few battles in this war she has created,but let's see who wins the war, My war is not over yet and Now ive regrouped and I'm fighting back,my w has been in control for long enough now it ends ,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
maly-- it's not a war for me, and I'm not looking to win or lose.
100383-- funny you thought she's having trouble pulling the trigger, my thought was on no she's pulling the trigger!
It's just JR says, you don't know how you're going to feel til it happens. I just have to make myself choose to look forward, not backward.
I also have a lot of sympathy for what my W is going through. All the bad choices she's making, all the confusion and turmoil she's feeling... she can't help it.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
maly-- it's not a war for me, and I'm not looking to win or lose.
100383-- funny you thought she's having trouble pulling the trigger, my thought was on no she's pulling the trigger!
It's just JR says, you don't know how you're going to feel til it happens. I just have to make myself choose to look forward, not backward.
I also have a lot of sympathy for what my W is going through. All the bad choices she's making, all the confusion and turmoil she's feeling... she can't help it.
Fg ,no wasent a war with me for over 4 years,but is now,and if your wife does some of the things my w has done u might just change your mind on that,I'm looking at it like this,you can roll over and let them roll over you if that's what you want,or you can fight,i rolled over for 4 years and got no where,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Hi FG, Just catching up on your situation. I may be mind reading here but her approaching after some good family memories were made to bring up divorce looks like she is trying to convince herself. In other words, she is ambivalent and not dead set. I used to struggle when WH brought up divorce and ILYBIANILWY mantra but realized his worst behavior was when he was in deep inner conflict.
Now when he pulls back I see him struggling, this is good, apathy is the enemy, not anger. Right now we are on an "up" slide but I know not to trust it until it's been happening for some time. Keep making yourself healthy and amazing.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
