Returning Customer

[2chiquitos]

Thank you Christy.

Today I continued focusing on keeping my serenity.

I do mindful meditation through youtube before bed and when H wakes up for the gym at 4:30am. I also focus on my breathing (meditate) while I'm at a red light, as I am admiring the snow capped mountains, etc. Throughout the day. I have serenity. My goal is not to give it away.

I"m not focusing my energy outside of me and my kids. I don't worry about his fidelity or analyze why he's doing what he's doing. This isn't exactly DBing but it's a part of DBing that works great for me.

I'm not setting DB goals for our relationship. Maybe later down the line when I see more interest on his part. For now, my goals are my slogans.

I continued today with "Live and Let Live." Don't push anyone but yourself. Last time I would make comments to him here and there. "Planting seeds" as they say here. H said that when I would say these things, he knew I was right but refused to see it when I said it. As he was coming out of the fog, he saw the truth in what I was saying.

Now, I don't plant seeds. Instead I repeat, "this is your choice", "I am willing to work on the relationship", etc. But I don't say it like I did last time. IOW to plant seeds. I say it cuz I don't want to get wrapped in his drama.

I'm too tired for this.I want to put energy on me. Today I took my slogan and journaled. WHY AM I SO AFRAID OF ABANDONMENT?

I learned a lot about myself and my past. There is a little girl inside me that I need to nurture.

I remember hearing someone say at a meeting,
"If I had put that much energy on changing my spouse on something else, I could've learned 5 languages."

Maybe I'll pick up another language or something else that's new.