Gordie, 1. This is new behavior. Before BD I would get up with her, or a little after her. Mostly I jus wanted to be up with her so we could tak a little before she went to work, we never really talk while she's at work because she's got a very busy/stressful job. I would also make sure to go outside and start and warm up the truck for her. I don't do this anymore. So I get the impression that the talking-to-herself thing is a unconscious attempt at getting my attention. It's very weird for her to behave like that. It kinda goes like this: " ok, I got that ready, oh yeah I almost forgot, ok (deep loud sigh), I think I'm ready, just need to do this and then make sure I got my gloves,etc etc etc". I used to play a lot of poker, and most of my game centered around "Tells". There's a great book by a guy named Mike Caro specifically about poker tells, but you can learn a lot from that book about everyday human behavior. This talking to herself is a tell, shes looking for my attention in the mornings. She only does this in the morning. 2. H**L yeah Gordie!! ENJOY THE CLOSENESS BUT DONT LET THE DISTANCE BOTHER YOU!!!! That's a great great line my friend. I will not forget that. I have read the pursue/distance threads. They make sense. We've playing that damn game so effin long it's so stupid. But it makes so much sense in the MLC thing. I just gotta remember my plan and keep to it. I haven't spied or tried finding anything out about her since telling you guys I wouldn't. My state of mind has improved dramatically. As a matter of fact I don't see how anyone can successfully DB without stopping all the spying. It's just so unhealthy. 3. So ya man, I haven't gotten the books yet. I'm afraid she'll find em. She's like that, if one of my kids lets it slip..I'm done. I'm gonna have to figure out something so I can start reading and planning. I do need to get them and begin this process in earnest. As I get further in my emotional detachment it's become easier to contemplate actually sitting down and reading and taking it all in. I will make it a point to go this week and see if I can find Michelle's books. Thanks Gordie, again, for taking the time to read through my mess and respond with attention like you have. Replying to you makes me think hard and it's therapeutic. More to come.. AK8
