Gordie: Pulling it all together

[lt0402]

LT--can you elaborate on this? What kind of oddness? I feel like I am constantly caught off guard...sigh

Gordie, please allow me to step in, sir.

My ex displayed all sorts of oddness, too. I recall coming into the bedroom and she was just staring at the wall for the longest time...and when I checked back 20 mins later, she still was.

Then there were her breakdowns. There were two that I've never witnessed in an adult before. At the time, it was heartbreaking to watch. Now, I'm not so sure part of it wasn't an act. Who knows. But, I do know she needs help.

Jeep is spot on. There have been many times where my W has had that stare down. In the family room, in the laundry room, in the kitchen, etc.

I've also noticed that when I've forcibly pushed back on issues like custody it leads to oddness. For example, I believe she thought we would S and she would have 95% of my Ds time and i would only get D every other weekend. When i stood up to her around 50/50 custody and did not back down, it was almost like she was trying weird strategies to try to get her way. She'd cycle between being "nice", to dressing nicer, to trying to instigate fights, to spewing non-stop around D and I. This experience is strange enough, but there have been plenty of odd actions from W during it that stick out.

I also felt like i was being constantly caught off guard. Even currently, i still do at times. I think the key here is having an idea of what you will and will not tolerate and being consistent in both how and when you push back on those things you won't tolerate. You cannot push back on everything bc in the end I believe you'll be too tired to be effective.

Being in a good mental state also helps. I think this comes from growing your understanding of your situation and what's driving your W. Additionally, the exercise component has been huge for me to keep my balance and sanity. Alot of angst can be burnt off at the gym and it really puts you in a better place mentally in my opinion. I've also found that investing in my D9 has helped me find balance too. The kids shouldn't be leaned on, but my R w/ D9 has helped to round me out into a better and stronger person. All of the above goes a long ways to building confidence and with that confidence comes aid in dealing with the unexpected moods/actions of W.

Just my 2 cents. I'm still dealing with all this as well, so open to suggestions/thoughts. It [censored] we need to constantly be in a state of readiness, but you'll find that the level of readiness required by you will de-escalate from "Nuclear Meltdown Alert" at some point. It's no fun living in that zone, but know it's not forever.