Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #7]

[Gordie]

***Instead I go to our home mailbox every day, looking for certified mail from my wife. Comical, since we're at the same address.***

Laugh or cry?

***I shouldn't mind-read, but I surmise she's just trying to get up the courage to pull the final trigger. She's afraid of her financial future, and is feeling guilty mostly toward the kids. Toward me, at least outwardly, she's become cold again. No greetings, avoids eye contact, does mutter a reply if I greet her coming and going.***

How are you doing re detachment? Does her coldness affect you? Does it make you feel bad? Does it change your mood/behavior?

***On the other hand, she's not actively looking for a job. It would be consistent for her to plunge into the divorce w/o getting her ducks in a row. So her not getting a job doesn't tell me anything.***

Sadly, she may also intentionally not be trying to get a job so that she can get more alimony from you.

***My DB coach thought my W isn't going to pull the trigger. I don't know.***

Why did your DB coach say that?

***I'm tired. This has gone on for a very long time.***

I feel the same way. This is exhausting...and you've been doing this longer than I have.

***With time, the prospect of losing my W hurts less. And the pain when I think about what it'll mean for the kids -- even that has lots its sharp edges.***

What do the kids know? Have you told them yet?

***Now that pain just feels like a heavy, dense, black cloud in the middle of my chest. It no longer lacerates.***

I get it in my throat...and it just stays there...ugh.

***A divorce is likely going to lead to losing our house. My little one loves the house and wants to live here forever.***

I think this is going to happen to us too, but my W is in denial. The numbers just don't work.