First of all, I don't think going on a solo vacation here with a person of the opposite gender was even considered by anyone. His wife said she was going on a trip with girlfriends. In her head, either way, they aren't married and she believes she is free to do what she wants. It's up to him if he wants to stop it or not, which he can't except maybe by not being there for the kids, which he isn't going to do.
I completely agree with Rose. Separate activities and individual interests and lives are important to M. I have had the privillage of speaking to many long time married couples through my profession. Their secret is their own interests. Maintaining a loving life together while maintaining their own identity and interests. For me, this would be the perfect marriage. my coworker has been married for 30 years, happily, and her husband goes on guys golfing trips. She enjoys spas and shopping and does it at home while he is away.
After the awful way I had been cheated on, I do not have a great fear or jealousy in my R's going forward. If you aren't going to do it, I don't want it to be because I blocked you from doing it, I want it to be because you have no desire to cheat on me.
I read a little story the other night. A woman was putting her very drunk husband to bed. he was so drunk, he didn't realize it was his wife putting him to bed and he says to her "leave me alone, I've got a wife!"
That's the perfect relationship in my eyes.
Oh, and I have vacationed with my girlfriends. I can tell you, there was no hanky panky on their ends or mine. We laid by the pool, drank beverages, went to the ocean, enjoyed nice meals, read books, participated in some resort activities, and took naps:)
And Vapo, we shouldn't "worry" about our partners desires, but we should surely live our lives considering them. And in a "perfect" marriage, when we consider our spouses wants and needs, they consider ours back and no one feels the need to look outside the M. I don't want to speak for Kaizen, but I am pretty sure that's where he is going with that one.
And Vapo, there is no excuse for cheating. That's how the spouses chose to with "insufficiencies" but yes, rarely does someone cheat because it just seems like fun. There were inusfficies on a lot of our ends. Sadly enough, our spouses chose to handle them the wrong way.
