Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #7]

[ForGump]

W told me she'd have me served by mail, if/when she is to do it. So now my heart no longer starts to pound each time my office phone rings. Instead I go to our home mailbox every day, looking for certified mail from my wife. Comical, since we're at the same address.

I shouldn't mind-read, but I surmise she's just trying to get up the courage to pull the final trigger. She's afraid of her financial future, and is feeling guilty mostly toward the kids. Toward me, at least outwardly, she's become cold again. No greetings, avoids eye contact, does mutter a reply if I greet her coming and going. On the other hand, she's not actively looking for a job. It would be consistent for her to plunge into the divorce w/o getting her ducks in a row. So her not getting a job doesn't tell me anything.

My DB coach thought my W isn't going to pull the trigger. I don't know. I'm tired. This has gone on for a very long time. With time, the prospect of losing my W hurts less. And the pain when I think about what it'll mean for the kids -- even that has lots its sharp edges. Now that pain just feels like a heavy, dense, black cloud in the middle of my chest. It no longer lacerates.

A divorce is likely going to lead to losing our house. My little one loves the house and wants to live here forever.