How to rekindle love? (2)

[Gordie]

***Thanks for the compliment. I am glad something I've said has been helpful.***

Several things directly to me and what you have said to others.

***I can somewhat relate to what your wife said, which I know would horrify my husband.***

I had a feeling you'd understand.

***Here's my current thinking. I was raised with a very strong emphasis on no sex before marriage. And not just no sex. Nothing even remotely close. So was H. We were each other's first and only sexual partner.***

Our backgrounds are similar on this front.

***I had visions of our wedding night as being romantic. He had visions of our wedding not being passionate. We didn't discuss our visions ahead of time. Naturally, neither of us got our vision. So that started us off on the wrong foot at the very beginning.***

I have never asked my W about our wedding night. Now is not the right time to ask but maybe in the future...

***Another issue for me was not feeling like H desired me for myself. I felt like he wanted sex and I was his only choice. I didn't feel like he wanted me. I don't know if any of that applies to your wife, or if it even makes sense.***

Wow, that is eye opening. I never even considered my W might feel that way but it's more than possible that she does.

***I realized during my time on this site that I have no sense of myself as a sexual person.***

My W has said those exact words.

***I've been working on that.***

Good for you. Is there anything that you wished your H would do to help in this or is this more of an internal process that has nothing to do with your H?

***I wonder if that is part of what your wife is doing with the undressing and massage. I agree with your DB coach that your wife is very confused. As for what you should do, I am hesitant to give advice. It's tricky. I think you are handling this aspect well. Just don't let it keep you from GAL and being emotionally self-sufficient.***

Thank you so much!