Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 8

[PsySara]

Hi guys! Sorry I've been absent but my work has been slammed lately and when I am home it's usually handling the kids. WH and I have been spending a lot of time together too. I continue to squash my own reactivity, a couple of times I've bit my tongue (literally) to keep from engaging in an argument. Some examples:

There have been a few times we almost started argueing so I decided simply not to engage. Instead I became quiet and then said, "Maybe you're right." After that I would move along to a different topic. WH would later come and apologize or simply agree with me.

I have been speaking more of his LL, lots of touches, gentle kisses on his bald spot (something I love to do) and lots of ML. WH has responded VERY positively to this and now asks me what he can do in return. Honestly there really isn't one specific thing. I do want him to eventually have the trust to come to me and show real remorse for the affair. For now he is still too gun shy from my previous spewing. So I am keeping focus on my small goals;

1. Keep interactions kind, compassionate, warm and tender

2. Surprise him with 180s, on Monday I told him I wanted to go check out Ducatis with him. I thought he would piss himself with shock. (I have a surprise trip this Saturday and have already arranged childcare. I will be taking him a speed go-cart place)

3. Keep dressing like a model, make up always touched up and walking tall. I do this more for me than him but it definitely has turned his head.

Everyday I keep the BIG goal in mind, to raise my children in a loving, thriving marriage. Every time I want to engage in an argument, prove my point, let my ego take over; I ask myself, "Does this get you closer to that goal?" I am also keeping my self care in line, getting good quality sleep, spending about 20 minutes reading fiction before bedtime. I also have been DBing my other relationships and making sure to nurture them. This has helped keeping me out of my own head too much. I watch a lot of comedies to keep myself laughing.I keep thought stopping when I find myself ruminating about the affair. This is much easier when one starts into re-building. I am not changing my signature to piecing until we've been doing this for a month.

I have more good days than bad. I don't really have bad days as much as bad moments inside good days. I have done mental exercises to see how I would feel if WH had another affair. I think I would handle it much better this time. I would probably pack his things, kiss his check and wish him a good life with whomever he felt twoo wuv for. Then I would find the best divorce lawyer and make sure my kids were protected. I would walk away from my marriage knowing I had "earned" my way out.