Absolutely its a helpless feeling. None of asked nor would sign up for this ... but ya know what .. its here, right in our lap and we have a choice. Let this mess define us, or get up and start working on what we can control .. ourselves.
I read this from a LBS who actually survived his wife's MLC ... maybe something for you in here:
Quote:
I see now that so much of the reason that I suffered so long was because I refused to let go of my ego...my belief in myself as the Most Qualified/Most Capable to solve my problems and that I had all the answers. I had people on sites like this telling me what I needed to do and how I should go about healing myself...and I listened but I didn't HEAR. I went through the motions, said the words, did the actions, but to me...I was still in control...and I could by sheer force of will make the situation better. So I stayed far to long in the middle of the battlefield because I was sure I knew the way out...only to run around in circles taking shrapnel and damage all along the way. I did this until the wounds got too deep and I finally really bottomed out, and was ready to do something really stupid...my last grasp at control! My daughter saved me...and then I could finally hear God in my world...Time for a change.
Understanding that what we have in us...comes out of us when pressure is applied was the first step. Our character is never tested when life is smooth...only in the tough times do we see what we are really made of. So once I stepped back at looked at what was coming out...it was not what I wanted to see. But giving it a name...making it real was the first step. Seeing what I was, why I was opened my eyes. As I identified and named off my Low Self Esteem, My Fixer Need, My Fears and My Foibles I could start looking at how I was dealing with those shortcomings. It became so clear why I had always surrounded myself with broken people that needed me to fix or save them...it explained my need to win...my need to succeed...my constant attempts at control. My life looked like a pre-school picture book...and it was so easy to see now.
This knowledge opened the door...It gave me a new found peace that goes with understanding yourself, and becoming comfortable with yourself. I no longer had to accept that "I have always been like that" because I could change my thinking about this or that and channel it for good. The light was on and I could see...and I felt free at last. All I had to do was Abandon the Me I Always Knew. Typing it, it seems so easy...but living the path, learning the lessons and healing the scars was a process.
