Gordie: Pulling it all together

[ForGump]

How did you end the delusion?

I asked the OM to tell her it's a delusion. I understand that her need for this is real. I felt it's not healthy to focus those needs onto a delusion. Whatever her emotional needs are, whatever her emotional/sexual discontentment is with me and our marriage, I felt it's healthier to process those thoughts and feelings in reality, rather than in a delusional world. Plus the OM was someone we all knew. It just isn't me to stand by while my W has delusions about someone we all know. That just felt pathetic and dishonorable to all of us.

There are mature, reasonable ways to deal with problems in a marriage. Falling into a delusion isn't one of them. My ending her delusion momentarily allowed us to reconcile -- and that felt great and gave me so much hope -- but then she fell back into a state of discontentment. But I believe she's become, slowly, more rooted in reality, and I believe overall that is good.

Ending the delusion wasn't a panacea, wasn't a silver bullet. But I believe it was a small step in the right direction. As you pointed out, there is the downside that the bad news came from me. But in balance, it was a good thing.

I have no regrets.