Gordie, 1. Ok Gordie man! About the first line of her text, you hit the nail on the head!!!!! I saw that line and thought the exact same thing!!! I was like, "What the heck does she mean she knows what she wants??? Like she's a certain type of guy?? WTF??!!" BUT..... I slowed down and chalked it up to MLC talk. That's the best I can do right? Just let it slide.. I'm choosing to take it as someday she wants to be married as this is her biggest complaint about me. Maybe she doesn't mean me, maybe it's just about marriage in general. All I know is if I concentrate on that f***ed up line it will drive me crazy and I'll end up asking her, "Wtf did you mean by that?" And asking more questions is the last thing I need to do. So I'm gonna pretend it meant ME and move on. 2. Exploring for her means going out with her friends from m work when she travels. I'm not sure I've said this before but I was a very jealous controlling guy throughout our relationship. It's not like I didn't let go do stuff, she most certainly did. I just never got off to it and never let her do anything without having to know every detail and without giving her tons of attitude. So exploring for her is just taking the time for herself away from me and the kids and living a little. 3. She lost her spirit with me because I never married her. This is the most major area of contention with her. Until I'm fanancially capable of doing this I don't think she will turn around. I'm working on it though. I did propose but never finalized. 4. We are in-house seperated right now. She has the MBR. I'm a night owl and it was common for me to fall asleep on the couch during the week, bacuse she goes to bed early. So her having the MBR makes sense. But, I always slept in bed with her on the weekends. Sex has always been good. Twice a week on the weekends mostly. During our whole relationship I always "took care of her first". And she's never complained, so I think sex has always been good. 5. I suspected there was someone else but she says there is not. I haven't left because I love her and I can't see leavinhmg her just a cause I'm suspicious. And now, I'm not sure I actually want to know. Right now, right this second, I just want to beleive her and not dwell on negaatuve things. If I'm gonna get her back to our family it's gonna take me being confident and doing 180's and making changes in myself. I choose to believe her so I can make these things happen. Also my kids need me, and I need them. 6. I don't trust her because she's in MLC, but I've got to have a standard by which to go by. That standard right im is for me is just to take her word. Now that doesn't mean I can't prepare for the worst which is what I'm doing. I'm just tired of giving in to my suspicions. It's not healthy for me and it hurts my efforts to GAL. 7. My W feels trapped because, in all honesty, I made her feel that way. Like she had no freedom, no trust from me. I should've been okay with her going out with her work friends and socializing. I was a just a very jealous guy. I actually felt in my heart that she would never cheat on me, I just could never trust that feeling. And now that she's in MLC it's a distinct possibility! But like I said, I'm gonna choose to trust her now because it's what's good for me at the moment. 8. It's only a possibility for me to live so far from my W if the kids come with me. That's how I feel right now. And actually, as I plan it in my head, I'm beginning to see I COULD ACTUALLY BE WITHOUT HER! Now, that's not what I want though, I want my woman back in my arms. I try not to look at her at all when she's here in the house because I desire her so much. I just wanna touch her, feel her love me again. But there are other fish in the sea and if worse comes to worse I will set that hook buddy! FISH ON!
The more I post here and the more I talk with you guys the more confident I get. I thought I was gonna be a wreck after this trip of hers but I'm Not, I actually feel better than I have since this thing started. I owe a lot to y'all. You're questions Gordie, they not only make me think about how I feel they make me write out those feelings. I find it reassuring and proactive. Thanks man.. AK8
