Hello...can you hear me?

[Underdog]

Ack, no 2x4 or thumbtacks here. I don't think you need a whack.

I do love him and yet, when I am away from him, I don't really miss him.

GB, while I sit here and type, I'm wondering if this is because you won't let yourself go here? In NO way am I judging you... because we've been hurt, it's really hard to allow someone to mean that much. If you wrote anything different about this guy, I might respond differently.

Is it bad to have a "type"?

I think it's really easy to tap into that part of ourselves that existed when we were single before marriage - dating toads, kissing them and finding sparks with men who were completely wrong for us. The lull of that pull is super tough to navigate. It's even harder with friends who are still in love with their spouses and here we are?

I've had that heady feeling, but the best relationships I've ever had have been with guys who started as my friend. Like you, I need to *like* someone before I fall for them. And the funny thing is that it is even more important to me now.

So I'm going to throw something at you that is the same advice I gave my D22 a few months ago: why screw up something that is good because you're not sure why you feel unsettled? I suggested to her to see that perceived red stop light as an opportunity to figure it out. When she knew why, then the light would turn green. Funny, it didn't take her long to get to the root of the problem and see that she wasn't really at an intersection.

I think it's super important to tap into that part of you that feels like that and really analyze where that stuff originates. Do you feel the pull to have new and start over? Or is it because you're not fulfilled and figure it's easier to rid yourself of the stuff around you than get to work?

I say these things because 1) I care; and 2) this is something I do too. It's a lot easier to look outside of ourselves for that "happy place" when it's really an inside job. And yes, I gave myself the same lecture a few days ago. I haven't done anything about my doldrums, but I know why I'm there. The svcky part is that I'm there because I put myself there. Blech. I need to be the person I want to appear in my life. Wow, that's depressing, because I'm not even close!

So what's the real underlying stuff that has you navel gazing and unsettled?

Hugs!